The Taxman Cometh

Yesterday afternoon I did what all law abiding Americans must do every Spring. No, not turn in their pick for the NCAA office pool. (I did that too, even though technically I have no office.) No I met with my accountant to do my taxes. Let's forget for a second that I just used the phrase "my accountant", and focus on the larger issue, whatever that turns out to be. I've had the same accountant for almost twenty years, and the fact that I'm not in jail or debtors prison is testament to her abilities. I like having at least one person on the payroll. It adds a little gravitas to my otherwise lightweight world.

I don't think I'm alone in my disdain for doing taxes. We've all looked at our paychecks and seen the government taking their cut. It's like dealing with the mob. You have no choice, you have to pay. Imagine some IRS auditor looking at you and quoting Ray Liotta in "Goodfellas", "F--- you, pay me." If you think I'm exaggerating, ask Willie Nelson. The red headed stranger had to make a special album and all it's proceeds went to pay the IRS.

I'm not one of these no tax kooks either. I know we need taxes to pay for all the services that our benevolent leaders give us, and to enable some ne'er do wells to continue feeding off the government teat. I just hate seeing a big chunks of my cash go to someone else.

I'm glad I used a "Tax Professional". My and "Wife's" return was about two inches thick. "Wife" had suggested that we try one of the new tax software programs to save a little cash. That's a great idea. I can barely add two columns of numbers as it is, I'm sure I can decipher the tax code and take all the right deductions. I bounced my Willie Nelson reference off her and then tried to explain to her that living in a box might not be the route she wanted to take. I've seen her crack under the pressure of delivering Girl Scout cookies, I can't imagine what an audit would do to her.

The taxes are done. At one point my accountant had to go get the "special stapler" to fasten the reams of paper that we had accumulated. I think I paid extra for that, but I don't care. If the IRS is reading this, I was extremely honest. I have to be, I can't write an album that would cover my debts. Later...Brian