I Still Don't Call It Football

The World Cup Soccer (or do you say Futbaul) tournament started in Germany the other day and like a lot of Americans, I just yawned and went on my merry way. I don't follow soccer, or care to start, unless Mia Hamm comes over to the house to give me a feet-on tutorial. Soccer is supposed to be the biggest sport in the world, but I'd still have rather spent last night at "The Cell" watching the World Champion White Sox like I did than be in some smoky bar rubbing elbows with various Central American ex-patriots who are cheering for their favorite teams.

I've seen some World Cup highlights on the news and remember watching some matches, (that's what they call the games.) when the U.S. hosted the tourney a few years ago. It seems to be a game made up of under nourished, under washed guys with really bad hair. The players all let their freak flags fly, and once they start sweating, they look like a water wiggle. Even one of the best known players, David Beckham has crazy hair. He goes from a shaved head, to a mohawk, to dreadlocks. It did allow him to marry and bang around with Posh Spice though, so maybe he's onto something.

Until a couple of years ago, my knowledge of soccer was limited to two things. I knew you played it with your feet and I knew who Pele was. Then, like many parents, I got sucked into the soccer world by my kid. Soccer advocates say that it is a great game because all kids can play. Everyone can run and kick, they'll tell you, so no child is left out. That may be true, but after coaching youth soccer for a couple of years, I can tell you this, everyone's definition of "running" is not the same. Some kids are so afraid of sweat, that a brisk walk causes them to panic and sit down.

I did get involved in coaching and I must admit, I gained a new respect for soccer and the athletes who play it. Once you know the rules, you can start to see plays develop and appreciate the beauty of a cross field pass. I now know about off side (not sides), headers and lines. I understand major and minor penalties and I know what red and yellow cards are for. I may even become a hooligan. I think that adding that bit of menace to a youth game, or any game for that matter might be fun. I may bust out some hooliganism tonight at "Daughter's" softball game. I think the element of surprise when I storm the other stands and punch out some unsuspecting parents will add some much needed excitement to the festivities.

So while soccer may never overtake baseball or real football in this country, it is worth watching. Might I recommend some woman's soccer? It's like a cat fight in cleats and there's always a chance that someone will pull a Brandy Chastain and rip off her jersey.
"S C O O O R E !" Later...Brian