Today I Am A Man

Despite my obvious high flying lifestyle and grand station in life, I am a man of simple needs. I want to be left alone most of the time, have good things to eat and drink, a comfortable place to live and health for my family. That's not a long list, and even some of those things are negotiable. I've eaten mediocre food and drank low end beer on occasion. One thing has eluded me in life, the one thing that would grant me happiness and comfort above all others. I have denied myself this pleasure for reasons known only to myself and various orders of cloistered monks. But now, in my advancing years I found that I could deny myself no longer. It was time for me to step up and claim what was rightfully mine, to drag myself into manhood and finally achieve the comfort that I had been longing for low these many years. I finally got a recliner.

"You're not serious," you scoff. "How can a chair hold such magical and spiritual power as to change your whole outlook on life?" Scoff no more. It does. In some cultures, a religious ceremony is needed for a boy to enter into manhood. Not so here. I just needed a chair. My whole life I've wanted a recliner. To me, owning a fine piece of motion furniture was the pinnacle of manhood, a right of passage that said you had arrived. I couldn't wait for the day when I would have "my chair." I envisioned a day when I could walk into my family room, and seeing some interloper lounging in my rightful spot, bellow at the top of my lungs, "get out of my chair." The tone of my voice would leave no doubt as to the seriousness of the infraction. Only the king sits on the throne, and for better or worse, I'm the king.

I know I wrote about buying the chair a couple months ago. Placing the order seemed like such a big deal. Nothing compared to the other afternoon when the truck pulled into the driveway carrying my "Comfort King." You may recall that this chair is designed as a "big man's recliner." It's designed for men (and I say men because women don't seem as enamored of recliners and if a woman is this big, she should be in the circus or the WNBA.) up to 6'8" and 350 lbs. My brother asked what would happen if someone was over 350. I would assume that person should get their lazy butt out of the chair and take a walk until they get down to a svelte 348. The delivery guy saw me hurry out onto the porch like a kid on Christmas and laughingly said "now I see why someone bought such a big chair." Damn right. No small, girlie chair for me.

The "Comfort King" was given a place of honor. Now I can watch TV without having to move any part of my body. As "Daughter" would say, I have the "optimum viewing seat." The chair looks great. "Wife" got to pick the color and fabric, so she can't complain. Everything is still a little stiff, so I'll have to spend many hours dedicating myself to breaking in the chair. I can't help but laugh because in some positions, the chair is so big that my feet don't hit the ground. "Wife" and "Daughter" get lost in it. Man It's good to be king. Gotta go, I've got some breaking in to do. Later...Brian