You've Made Your Choice

Some of you may be happy and others saddened by the news, but this will be the final American Idol post for a while. Unless you've been living under a rock, you know that AI had it's blockbuster season finale last night. We've already covered the fact that it's extremely pathetic for a grown man to be this connected to a high school talent show, so let's move on and revel in it. There sure is a lot to cover.

The Noonan house was positively giddy with anticipation over the finale. We had all done a tribal rain dance in hopes that "Daughter's" softball game would be rained out. The great water spirit in the sky loved our dance so much that he sent severe thunderstorms. Talk about overkill. One flash of lightening and the game was cancelled. I guess no one wants a kid zapped while holding their aluminum bats. If you met some of these kids you might change your mind, but I digress. We were in front of the TV in time for the red carpet show. It was hosted by the insipid trio that host the Fox morning show in LA. I forgot how shallow and vapid LA can be, but listening to them blather on and try to out talk each other brought it flooding back. One of the women has had so much work done that she looks like a 22 year old that was created by Mattell.

The fact that the show could end in about twenty seconds didn't stop Fox from milking it for a full two hours. Was it just me, or did Seacrest seem in a bad mood. He was breaking bad on everyone with snide little comments and bored looks. Maybe he's starting to realize that he's just a talking head in trendy clothes, and that self actualization is making him dream of a shotgun barrel. Speaking of dead looks. If you looked in Chris Daughtry's eyes last night while he was having to share the stage with "Chicken Little" and the rest of the "Up With People" popsters, you could see only despair. He made his deal with the devil, and now BeelzibIdol owns him for a year. It's hard to hold onto your rock and roll cred while you're singing "Arthur's Theme" in a monkey suit. At least he got to sing one rock and roll song with Live, but between Chris and the lead singer, I thought I was watching a bald headed version of the "Parent Trap".

While I'm at it, I might as well let loose on the rest of the show. Why do we need to bring back some of the most irritating and untalented auditioners for "awards"? These people got their 15 minutes of fame when the producers put them on the show the first time. I don't need to see some hideous impersonater pretending to be a no talent crack whore swearing for three minutes. Well I do, but not on TV. I really didn't need the flaming Clay wannabe with his bad teeth and horrendous voice come out only to have him shocked by the real Clay. Good Lord, why doesn't Clay just come out in a rainbow suit? You're not fooling anyone. His hair looked like a "Flock of Seagulls" after a down pour. Just look at him and you can see the bitchy, preening diva that lurks not far under the surface. It's the same look that Katherine had since she ousted Chris a few weeks ago.

Here's a quick list of other things I feel I need to mention:

- "Chicken Little" is neither tough nor a ladies man. If I had a pistol, I would have gone all Elvis and shot the set while he was singing "What's Up Pussycat?"

-Poor Kelly Pickler. The competition seems to be taking it's toll on her. Not only has she lost her cute looks, she will forever be cast as the American Idiot. I know it's not a stretch for her. Are lobsters really that scary? I'm sure she's had worse things in her mouth than snails too.

-How the hell does Mandesa forget the words to "Say A Little Prayer"? Come on baby, put down the cheesecake and pick up a lyric sheet.

-I applaud the camera work while Toni Braxton was on stage. If the angle had been any lower, "In the Ghetto" would have taken on a new meaning.

-His name is Prince and he's still funky, but why was he there? He's a weird little man. Nice pompadour though.

-I wanted to vomit when Katherine's mother said that Kat had "so much celebrity around her now." Why not just wear a sign that reads "unfulfilled stage mother" around your neck? We get it. You never made it, so you've bread an automaton singer to make it for you.

-Dionn Warwick can still sing her ass off.

Now that you've been reading this for what seems like two hours, let's get the results. After over sixty million votes, which according to Seacrest was, "More than any President in the history of this country, (that's a sad statement) the winner is....I'll tell you after the break.

((((BREAK)))))

Taylor Hicks.

See, even here it loses something. Soul triumphs over the soul less and America has a new spoiled celebrity on their hands. It's our fault, but I don't care. I got caught up in the drama and the back story, and next January I'll do it again. Now, how can I get some sweet seats for the "Idols Live" tour? Later...Brian