My Valentine's Massacre

Valentine's Day is here and with it the endless pressure to do something romantic for the one you love, or at least the one you're trying to woo into the sack. While not a romantic at heart, I am a slave to advertising and a sucker for peer pressure, so I have to partake.

A brief history...Valentine was a Catholic priest in the third century. The Roman emperor Claudius II decided that single men make better soldiers than married ones, and so he outlawed marriage for all young men. (Where are these type of forward thinking leaders today?) Valentine thought this was crazy, so he defied Claudius and performed marriages in secret. When he was discovered, he was arrested and put to death. (Harsh? Maybe, but defiance has its price.) Valentine was said to have sent the first greeting to a young woman that he had fallen in love with while in jail. (See, Catholic priests were always in some kind of scandal.) He sent her a note before he died and signed it "from your Valentine." I can't believe I did research for this, but I strive to educate as well as entertain.

I saw a news report that the average American spends $101 on Valentines gifts. That's a lot of chocolate. You'll need to spend more than that on acne cream and a gym membership to work off your treats. I try to be unique on Valentine's day. I don't give "Wife" flowers or chocolates. I try not to even give her my usual hard time. I hate being a cliche, so we didn't get engaged on Valentine's like thousands do, I waited until the Mexican holiday "the day of the dead." I told you romance wasn't my strong suit.

I also am not a fan of guys getting things on Valentine's Day. This is a holiday for the ladies. Every woman should know there's only one thing we want, and it comes in a scantily clad package. For a guy on Valentine's Day, chocolate should be dripped over....Well you get the idea. I would like some of those little candy hearts though. I enjoy reading the messages and pretending that some factory worker is making them just for me. "Choose me", you bet I will, now take off that hair net and get over here. Happy Valentine's Day! Later...Brian