Brian Noonan Has No Friends

Sometimes I come late to the party. I still like 8 tracks, rotary phones and roller derby, so it will come as no surprise that I've just become aware of MySpace.

For the uninitiated, MySpace is a site where everyone in the world can set up a little web page. You tell everyone your life story, hopes and dreams and where you got your GED, and then you make "friends." Comedian friends of mine, (the real world kind) have been telling me that this is a great way to promote yourself and build a fan base. Since I prefer to stay in the shadows of show business rather than under its bright light, I shied away. Lately however, I've been craving attention. Sure I could get it from my family or flesh and blood friends, but that seems so last year. I needed some space age pals. You know, the kind of friends you never have to meet, talk to, or bail out of jail.

So I went on MySpace. It's easy, so easy that I was able to figure it out. My profile was all set up, I put my best picture on the site, and now all I needed were some friends. This is where things went terribly wrong. You have to go and solicit friends. I'm antisocial by nature, so the thought of having to ask people to be my friends bothered me. I did what I used to do in high school. I retreated to the corner and mocked the cool kids. I saw people with hundreds of friends. Showoffs! For the first couple of days, I would log on and be greeted with the happy sight of "Brian Noonan has no friends." Oh the horror. It's bad enough to suspect something, but to see it in print is a whole other matter. I was talking about this to some of the staff in Toledo who were big MySpace fans and they said they would be my friends. Thank God!

I think it's kind of pathetic for a grown man to be searching out friends on the web. Shouldn't we just venture out into the big bad world if we want to meet people. We are pretty isolated as a society and this kind of thing makes it even worse. People have lost the ability to communicate on an inter -personal level. Oh who cares? Please be my friend! Later...Brian