I Ride By Night

I'm a little woozy as I write this. After much deliberation, I decided to drive home last night from Columbus. A couple of factors helped with the decision. First, I really like sleeping in my own bed. I know this may shock you, but quality mattresses are not a high priority in comedy "condos". Secondly, I'm always revved up after a show and it makes more sense to just take off. No good can come from me hanging out at the bar in the club with people who want to buy me drinks and tell me how funny I am. Too much of that foolishness and I'll never get to visit my excellent mattress.

Just a quick note to finish the Columbus saga. Last night the club was full and the pressure was on. It was made clear to me that the owner was making a special trip in to watch me. How did I do? Wait for it...I D-Stroyed with a capital stroyed. I think if the crowd had been of heartier stock, they would have carried me out on their shoulders. Now you may be thinking, "Wow, after a show like that, the owner must have been begging you to work for him." Who's being funny now? When I asked sarcastically if I had made the cut, I was told, "Oh yeah. I see you have the time, but that doesn't mean I'll definitely have work for you." To quote the lovely and dead Doris Day, "Que Sera Sera." Just another day in show biz.

Back to the point. I love driving at night. As I said, I'm already souped up on laughter and Pepsi, so a five hour trek doesn't seem so bad. I especially like night drives during warm weather. I roll down the windows and crank up the jams. Suddenly I'm not an under appreciated comic anymore, I'm some character out of a Bruce Springsteen song. Damn right! "It's a town full of losers, I'm pullin' out of here to win." If I had hair, it would be blowing gloriously in the wind, and blinding me, but alas, all that happens is my scalp ripples a little. It doesn't matter what kind of music I'm cranking, it all seems relevant as I speed through the darkness, alternating between air guitar riffs and drum solos on the steering wheel. That's one of the reasons I like driving alone too. It's hard to belt out my best Goo Goo Dolls impression while others are watching.

Another great thing about the night drive is a lack of traffic. In the overnight hours, it's just me and the few truckers too tweaked on meth to sleep. I enjoy seeing all the trucks stopped along the exit ramps and rest stops. For a moment, I think of all the unholy things that must be happening in the cabs of those Peterbuilts and it makes me smile. Not the unholy acts per se, but the fact that for the moment at least, they are not blocking my way. I was able to set my cruise control and just go. Sleep well you Dickies wearing road warriors, I'm zipping along unimpeded.

Well I'm off. I've been driving all night, my hands wet on the wheel, or key board, which ever, you get the reference. Later...Brian