Maybe Pete Townsend Was Right

In the classic song "My Generation" by the Who, Roger Daltrey belted out the immortal Pete Townsend penned words "I hope I die before I get old!" Let's put aside for a minute the fact that these guys are now almost seventy and are going to tour again this Fall, and concentrate on the effect this song had on me yesterday, because in the end, it's always about me.

My mom had her hip replaced Monday. Thankfully things seem to have gone very well and she was up and walking by Tuesday. Yesterday she was transferred to a facility to continue rehab since her house has stairs and she isn't able to navigate them yet. It's supposed to take a couple of weeks and she will go home when she is "functionally independent." I thought she would be going to a rehab facility that resembled the Chicago Bears training facility. All high tech equipment and shiny new accommodations. I really need to get more in touch with reality, because she was transferred to what is called a "sub acute treatment facility." For those of you who are like me and like your labels simple, it's a nursing home.

The first thing I noticed when I walked in was all the old people. I'm not talking just a little advanced in years, I'm talking almost fossilized. I don't seem to do very well with the aged. Maybe I have issues with my own mortality. Maybe I start to feel a little sorry for some of the residents who seem to have been "dumped' there. Maybe I don't want to think about "Wife" having to change my diaper. Whatever the reason I get ansy when I'm at one of these places. This facility has patients in various stages of health. Some are long term residents, and some, like my mom, are just there for physical therapy after an operation. Some however are afflicted with Alzheimer's. I feel awful for these poor souls. There's nothing funny about a person sitting in a wheelchair in a hallway just moaning and screaming to no one in particular.

There were some amusing aspects to this place. First, the residents seemed to be all women. That proves my theory that women drive men to an early grave. We spend so much energy early in life pursuing you that by the time we start hitting life's home stretch, boom, we're gone. Then you ladies can sit around and bad mouth us for being premature even in death. I saw a number of ladies wheel themselves over to the emergency exit and just sit looking out the door. It was almost like they were planning an escape. They reminded me of a dog, just waiting for someone to open the door so they could take off. Maybe they're planning to tunnel out like in the "Shawshank Redemption." I should alert the staff to keep an eye out for any new posters on the walls.

I told my mom that she had better make sure she didn't talk crazy while in there. Mom has a habit of rambling a bit, and even the most direct question sometimes gets a twenty minute answer. The staff is used to dealing with elderly story tellers, but I thought it was important for mom to let them know right away that she had control of all her faculties. She agreed, but when the nurse asked her if she had her real teeth, instead of just saying yes, she pulled back her lips and chompped her teeth together. Nothing crazy there. Why not just bite her too?

I'm hoping her rehab goes quickly, not only for her sake, but for mine as well. I don't like to think of my mom as old, because that makes me old, and I still have a lot to do. Plus, I know I'll turn into one of those cranky old men that my family puts in a home and forgets about. Then I'll be in my chair, looking out some window and trying to figure a way to tunnel out, just as soon as someone helps me to the bathroom. Have a great weekend. Don't forget to listen to WGN Sunday morning from 1-5am CST. Later...Brian