Soon We'll Be Naked

Just when I thought I couldn't be in any more pain, terrorists rear their ugly heads and end up making all our heads equally ugly. News came out of Britain today that law enforcement had foiled a plot by terrorists to blow up at least ten planes bound from England to the U.S. In the wake of this announcement, new security measures were announced.

Now we can't bring any liquids with us when we board a plane. No water, mouth wash, wine that you bought as a gift, your flask of tequila to calm your terrorist fearing nerves, nothing. "But I wear contacts" you may be crying through soon to be dried out eyes. Too bad. Abdul has made it impossible for you to bring on any solution. You can bring juice for a small child and formula or breast milk to feed a baby, but you have to taste it before you can bring it on. I don't mind slurping up a little Capri Sun, but warm breast milk is another story.

I"m torn about all of this. I really hate having to pay the price for knuckleheads who want to kill everyone. Maybe I don't want to throw out the 18 dollar mocha that I just got at the convenient airport Starbuck's. On the other hand, maybe this will begin the process of all carry on items being banned. I'm sick of people who try to bring steamer trunks on as carry-ons. They're terrorists in their own right. They destroy my way of life by taking up too much overhead room and banging into me with their gear. I don't carry all my beauty essentials with me, I do what most folks do, check my bag. Listen Mr. "I'm in a hurry" Businessman and Mrs. "imitation Louis Vitton cosmetic case" Woman, take the extra few minutes and check your bag. You're not impressing anyone with your gigantic carry on luggage. Plus, airplane bathrooms are too small to do any real beauty touch-ups before you land anyway.

If all this heightened security keeps up, pretty soon we'll all have to fly in our underwear, or better yet, naked. This may work out to everyone's benefit. If no one can bring anything on a plane, and no one can wear anything on a plane, we'll have nothing to worry about other than being in the middle seat between two really fat guys clad only in speedos and wife-beaters. On second thought, the new policy may discourage the hideous from leaving home. If that's the case, do the terrorists win or do we? You decide. Now dump out all your fluids and get on the plane. Later...Brian

Thanks to AP for the photo