Oh Tannenbaum And Other Thoughts

It only took three days, but I have finally finished lighting the Christmas trees. I realized that my utter contempt for the process dragged it out much longer than if I had just "manned up" and gotten it done right away. Any time I spend too much time thinking about something I get in trouble. I've been fixating on cake lately, but that's another story. Last night I worked on the big tree until 10:30, then I called a halt to the proceedings. I swore to "Wife" it would be done before she got home from work today. As I type this, her ETA is 34 minutes. Talk about coming in under the wire.

I realized today that with the onslaught of holiday decorating and my time shilling for a major corporation, I may have let some things escape my laser-like gaze. Let's rectify that a bit shall we? Here are some random thoughts on a few current events that I feel need to be commented on.

- Michael Richards. Are we done with this guy yet? So much has been written and debated about this idiot that I feel foolish even mentioning it. Every comic has been heckled. If you're any good, you know how to deal with it. I have brought people to tears with my hellacious heckler retorts. NEVER have I used the hateful language that Richards did. He was wrong. With that said, the people he said those things to are due NOTHING MORE than an apology. In this era of legalized extortion, their media whore lawyer is trying to get money for their "pain and suffering". Let me see if I understand this. You go to a comedy club, act like a buffoon by heckling a performer (this is NEVER ok, even if you don't find the comic funny), then when he slaps you down, you sue him? Again, the response far outweighed the rudeness of the heckle, but none of this would have happened if these yahoos had kept their mouths shut. Richards needs to be a man and apologize, and the punks need to be men and except the apology and "go and sin no more." If Richards pays them a penny, it'll be open season on free speech.

- Speaking of free speech. Rosie O'Donnell called Kelly Ripa homophobic because Kelly told the sexually ambiguous Clay Aiken that she "didn't know where that hand has been honey" after Clay covered her mouth while guest hosting on her show. How is that homophobic? Rosie O'Donnell is a blowhard who is nothing more than a nattering bore. Her giant head is full of so much blather that it spills out everytime she opens her yawning chasm of a mouth. The only way Kelly's comment could have been considered homophobic would have been if she told Aiken that his breath smelled like man ass.

--And finally...Britney, get some panties. Like most guys, I've been a tad curious about the nether regions of Ms. Spears, but sometimes the fantasy is so much better than the reality. Let's forget for a second that she's hanging out with the human stain, Paris Hilton. If you're going to go commando in a mini skirt, at least wax everything up. Her hoo-hoo had so much stubble, I thought Don Johnson was filming a "Miami Vice" reunion down there. Didn't she just have a baby a few weeks ago? How 'bout putting on some undies and hanging with the kids for a while? Won't there lives be hard enough with the sperm donor you picked to sire them without you showing the world the lab where the unholy experiment took place?

Wow I feel better. Two weeks of holiday joy had me backed up. I'm off to enjoy the fruits of my labors and to tell "Wife" I've been done for hours. Later....Brian