I've Got The Fever...Sort Of

This Sunday the "Monsters of the Midway" the Chicago Bears will take on the Seattle Seahawks in the Divisional playoffs of the NFL. The city is going crazy. Fans are excited because the Bears reached the playoffs again, the team has had a very good season and there is a chance, that for the first time in over twenty years the Bears could go to the Super Bowl. I'm excited too, but I guess not excited enough.

I had an opportunity to go to the game Sunday. My brother graciously offered me his extra ticket. I know I've mentioned this before, but three of my brothers are season ticket holders. Between them they have five tickets and demand for the extras is always high. When the ticket was offered, I jumped at the chance. My brothers are the kind of guys you want to go to a Bear's game with. They are die hard fans. From the custom van that Brother #3 (they don't want me to use their names, so now they will be given numbers like secret agents. I of course will be #1. That's because of my birth order, but also, let's be honest...) bought and had painted exclusively for games, to the extravagant tailgate parties they throw to custom jerseys and demonstrative aisle dancing, these guys know how to enjoy themselves. I know what you're thinking. "You must not be much of a fan if you'd turn that down. What are you waiting for, an offer to go to the ballet?" My fondness for tutus not withstanding, I am a fan. I'm just more of a fan of being comfortable.

I'm sure I will come across as a cranky old baby and cries of "take off your skirt" and "you can sleep when you're dead" will echo along the lake front, but I just can't bring myself to go. I'll make the excuse portion of this shorter than the rationalization part. I have to do the big show on WGN Sunday morning from 1-5am. "Wife" and "Daughter" are going to be out of town. I have no one to come to the house and let the dogs out and feed them in the morning. If I came home, fed the dogs, and went back into the city to meet my brothers for the game, I would get about an hour of sleep. I'll also throw in the fact that it's supposed to be snowing and cold. Did I mention I'd get no sleep.

I can't believe it either. It doesn't seem that long ago that this would have been a no-brainer. I would have slept all day Saturday and muscled through game day, probably downing copious amounts of adult beverages in the process. Maybe my advancing years have made me soft. The thought of getting no sleep, standing in a parking lot freezing for four hours before the game, sitting in a wind swept stadium for another three hours and then fighting traffic to get home holds very little appeal to me. "Hey dipwad, you could skip the tailgate party couldn't you?" I guess I could, but why go to the game then? I'm finding that avoiding hassles is becoming my biggest motivation when attending an event. I have no patience for traffic, crowds, or public bathrooms. When it's freezing outside, the many extra layers of clothing make using the stadium's restrooms a nightmare. Not only are the lines so long you think you're waiting for bread in the former Soviet Union, the restrooms are full of drunks trying to process a quarter barrel of suds. I don't "function" well under these conditions. I like my potty break to be like a controlled experiment, quiet, solitary and clean.

So I opted out of the game. I have it all planned out. I'll get home from work, and be in bed by six. I can sleep a few hours, and while I'm making my coffee in my warm house, I can watch the pre-game in hopes of catching my Coors Light commercial. Then I can plant myself in the Comfort King and watch the game. Sure I won't be able to high five my brothers and watch #3 do his dancing while #5 cheers him on, but that's the price I pay for comfort. Hopefully the Bears make it to the next level. I think I would have to suck it up if I got a chance to go to a Divisional Championship game. Have a great weekend. If you're up late, don't forget to listen to the show. Go Bears! Later...Brian