Sleep Or Die

I'm pretty tired today. I think it's the residual effect from no sleep Saturday night, a day at the ballpark Sunday and the ungodly wake up call I'm forced to endure every week day. I keep telling "Wife" I need to get more sleep, but she looks at me like I'm some sort of slug who would while away the hours in dreamland while responsible folks toil under the boot heel of "The Man." I got a little back up today that might change her tune.

A study was released in Britain that said people who do not get enough sleep are twice as likely to die of heart disease. Wow! If that isn't justification for a nap, I don't know what is. Reasons are unclear, but apparently, lack of sleep is linked to increased blood pressure, which is known to raise the risk of heart attacks and stroke. I'm surprised the researchers couldn't find the connection. It seems pretty simple. When I don't get enough sleep, I become very cranky. When I'm cranky, I tend to lose my temper. When I lose my temper, my blood pressure skyrockets, and sooner or later, I'm gonna have my big Fred Sanford grabber. Look at that, I don't even have a lab coat and I figured it out.

The study is meant to point out the danger of our busy modern lifestyle, according to a cardiovascular professor named Francesco Cappuccino (no I am not making that up.) What a great name for a sleep deprivation study guy to have. Who else was on his research team? The renowned native American researcher Red Bull? Were Dr. Meth, Alana Espresso and Trucker "Speed" Johnson all contributors? This souped up team of high octane researchers found that over forty percent of Americans get less than five hours of sleep a night. Duh! There's a lot going on. Don't these guys have satellite dishes? In the old days, people slept a lot because they were bored. I'd stay in bed too if my only entertainment were listening to the rambling tales of old men in front of the barber shop and my days were spent eating dust and plowing fields with a mule. Now, it's tough to go to bed early. You have so many other options to fill your night time hours, watching fantastic TV fare like "Dog the Bounty Hunter", playing Halo 3 on line with some shut-in in Lithuania, or cruising the Internet for whatever kinky thrills you can dream up.

I try to go to bed at a decent hour, but I always end up squandering a couple more hours watching some mindless T.V. offering. Sweet sleep is put on hold and then I spend the next day, feeling my blood pressure rise to dangerous, yet drowsy levels. According to the study, we're all supposed to get seven hours of sleep to stay healthy. That seems like a lot, but I may use this to my advantage Saturday morning. "No honey, I'm not trying to get out of cutting the grass, I'm trying to save my life so I can spend more time with you. Now turn off the light, you're elevating my blood pressure." Later...Brian