Some Random Thoughts

"Wife" is home today and that always throws my routine into a frenzy. She is having some issues with her car, and we had to take it in early this morning. Now we are in that weird limbo that exists when the mechanic tells you they'll "look at it and call you." Man, I've heard that line a thousand times when I was dating. Well, the "I'll call you part". Not too many ladies promised they'd take a look at it first, and if they did, there would be no need for a call, I'd just nudge them in the morning. Oh, I'm such a bad boy.

Speaking of bad boys, I was enjoying my morning respite in the WC when I noticed something that horrified me. No, it was not an unsightly hair or a dust bunny under the sink. I realized that just like Senator Larry Craig, I had a wide stance. I had never paid much attention to my foot placement while in the latrine, but after the revelations of the last few days, I don't think I can go on about my days in blissful ignorance. Whether for balance, comfort, or a feeling of dominance, my feet are spread out pretty wide. I even move my feet sometimes. I like to practice intricate dance moves while sitting to avoid falling down. I will be on red alert the next time I need to use any public facility. Who knew there were so many signs that could get you into trouble. I would assume all of us knew that peering through the crack in the door for two minutes (allegedly) was unseemly (not allegedly). I will have to sit perfectly still with my feet pinned together and the rest of my body contorting so as not to draw the interest of my neighbors.

While worrying about my footing, I saw an article in the paper, (is that still OK to do while in repose?) that made me laugh. A man in Des Moines, Iowa (where I've had a few bad run ins) was arrested and charged with assault after throwing a bag of Cheetos at his father. In a fit of rage, the man hurled the cheesy snack at his dad , hitting him in the face. The force of the impact, (they must have been the crunchy Cheetos, the puffy ones are harmless) caused Daddy's glasses to scrape his nose. The police report also stated that the man's t-shirt was covered with an orange powder. The son admitted he was high on meth at the time of the "attack". This is probably the only time the dad wished he hadn't made junior give up smoking pot. Then at least he would have had the munchies and eaten the Cheetos instead of turning them into a snack sized IED. Cheetos would actually be a good snack food for a meth head. After they loose all their teeth, they can just suck on the Cheeto until it dissolves. People's attention will be pulled from their hideous appearance to their striking orange lips.

Time to check on "Wife's" car. Here's a shameless plug. Tonight I will be at Piano Man on Clark Street in beautiful Wrigleyville for my final WGN Cubs Guest Commentator appearance. if you're in the area, come by. Later...Brian