Run For Your Life

Sunday morning, over 35,000 people started running around Chicago. No, it wasn't a scene from War of the Worlds, or a terrorist attack, just a form of mass hysteria that I will never understand, running a marathon.

Sunday was also an unusual day in Chicago weather wise. It was unseasonably hot and humid, with temperatures topping out at almost 90 degrees. Ninety in October? Who'd have thunk it? Despite the blistering heat and warnings from everyone with any sense, the throngs of nylon short wearing, body fat watching masochists qued up to inflict some self imposed torture on their bodies. Some of these beanpoles were "professional" runners who were in it for the big money, but most were just run of the mill folks who for whatever reason decided that running for over 26 miles was a good idea.

Mother Nature decided to teach these people a lesson. Before the race was four hours old, hundreds had dropped out, many were hospitalized and one poor soul was dead. (It was later learned that the man had a heart condition and according to an autopsy, the heat did not contribute to his death.), and the race was called. Runners complained that there was not enough water at the relief stations and that the organizers should have known better than to allow the marathon to happen. Really? I wasn't actually at the starting line, but from what I saw on the news, there were no jack booted marathon police holding guns to the heads of the competitors. There were no dehydration proponents grabbing water bottles, canteens or flasks of fluid form the racers. I know that training for marathon takes a lot of time, but were these long distance lunatics so cut off from society that they couldn't catch a weather report? If you are missing my drift, these people did this on their own. Over ten thousand registered runners were smart enough to realize that unless you're being hunted by a cheetah in the middle of the desert, there is no reason to be running in that kind of heat.

Reports vary on how much water was available, but from the amount of cups that littered the streets, it looked like a lot. Officials say they had enough, but that some of the first runners were using the cups to douse themselves instead of just drinking. I saw footage of a couple of these lunkheads pouring water over themselves. I understand the need to stay cool, but these science majors were pouring water onto their hats. Your cool Nike runners cap doesn't need the water Uell Gibbons, the suburban accountant that's trudging along behind you does. I guess that goes to show you what a solitary experience running is. As long as you stay cool, forget the guy behind you.

Over heated runners are demanding an apology from race officials. For what, not being your mommy and telling you to stay in your air conditioned home on a blisteringly hot day? Should they say, "I'm sorry you are such a spoiled baby and take the fact that you trained for this as a reason to risk your health"? I think the runners should apologize to us for tying up all the ambulance drivers, emergency rooms and paper cup fillers with their self indulgent silliness. You made the decision to run. Deal with it.

Before you start casting aspersions, I know I'm not in any shape to run a marathon, but why would I want to be? Exercise is good for you, but have you ever taken a look at someone who just ran a marathon? They're shaking, some are throwing up their carbo-loaded guts and they all need to be covered by the silver "space blanket" to prevent their body temps form going haywire. Man, that sounds great. "But Brian, what about the runners high and the feeling of accomplishment these people get from pushing themselves to their physical limits?" Are you serious? I get the same sense of euphoria from drinking a twelve pack and then being able to get myself off the floor and up the stairs to bed. Yes, I cover myself with a blanket, but it's soft and comfy, not some space age polymer and I never risk losing a toenail. I'm off. I need to hydrate. Later...Brian