The Grass Is Always...

Growing. What did you think I was going to say, greener? How hack would that be? Almost as hack as starting a post with another fake double sided conversation. I just finished cutting the grass and am taking this time, what runners call "my cool down" to put fingers to keyboard. Normally, something as mundane as cutting the grass wouldn't spur my literary cravings, but I'll try to tie the mundane into the absurd, add a pinch of relevance and viola.

I felt pressure to get the grass cut today for a couple reasons. First, as you know, my neighborhood is a hotbed of lawn competition. Not tending to one's lawn is tantamount to clubbing a baby seal or putting ketchup on a hot dog. (The food, not an overheated canine, but that's probably frowned on too.) I "do the lawn"( Insert your own snide comment here. I can't give you all of them .) every weekend in my attempt to uphold basic community standards. After checking my busy schedule and studying weather forecasts like a nervous shrimp boat captain, I decided to challenge Mother Nature and finish my mowing before the rain came. I like to get into throw downs with the forces of Nature whenever I can, providing that the outcome isn't life threatening. What's the worst that could have happened if Momma N had given me a little smack down today? Oh no, I'm a tad damp. It's not like I was going all George Clooney on her and trying to out run the perfect storm. The other reason I wanted to get the yard done today was that if I didn't, my other option was cutting the grass on Sunday and that wouldn't do. Sunday is, if you've forgotten, Father's Day.

Now we're getting to the point. I don't know what "Wife" and "Daughter" have planned for Sunday, but I know that now I've given myself the gift of guilt free rest. I also know that it's a gift I won't want to return or have to manufacture feelings for. I'm sure that won't be the case with anything I'm lucky enough to get from my loving family, (wink, wink) but it never hurts to hedge your bets. It's still odd for me to celebrate Father's Day, despite the fact that I've been a father for over eleven years. I guess I still think of my dad as being the "father" in Father's Day and that's OK. I just need to remember that to "Daughter" I'm that guy. Wow, that's the kind of statement that makes me all warm inside. No, wait, it's gas.

Father's Day doesn't seem to get the same buildup as Mother's Day, but dads don't seem to mind. We really just want to enjoy a restful day and maybe have everyone give us, as "Daughter" used to misinterpret, "a piece of quiet." Ahh yes, peace and quiet. My dad always asked for it, but rarely, if ever got it. He was normally the recipient of whatever class project one of us made him, a #1 dad mug, or some car wash certificates. He always seemed thankful, and now that I've got a few dad years under my belt I realize why.

Happy Father's Day to all you dads, or guys who work hard to fill that role. We're often made to look like fools on TV and in the movies, but we serve a purpose and all the turkey basters and loud pronouncements about men being obsolete can't negate that fact. Keep working hard to be a good father and if you're lucky, there may be a coffee mug with your name on it.

I'll be ushering in Father's Day with two editions of WGN Overnight. That's right, another weekend of double Noonan. On the Friday/Saturday show, we'll be checking on all the great weekend activities for you and your dads and then on Saturday night/Sunday morning I'll be visited by the Insatiable Insomniacs and we'll play "Father's Day Trivia" during the "Overnight Arcades." All that and more when you tune into the mighty 720 during the wee hours. Have a great weekend. Later....Brian