Power To The People

(I have no idea who the woman in the picture is, but her rage, passion, expulsion of gas made me laugh.)

I usually try to avoid getting involved with committees, groups, or associations. I work better alone, which is either a testament to my lone wolf spirit or my anti-social nature. Either way, my manufactured apathy has served me well. That's not to say I don't care about the issues that affect my neighborhood and world, it means I like to shout my criticisms from a distance and let other people follow my instructions. This week I was dragged from my distant perch and dropped knee deep into the hoopla.

I've written many times about my crazy neighborhood. It's probably not unlike a lot of other places where residents try to outdo each other in an attempt to become the ultimate winner of the American Dream sweepstakes. In many of these neighborhoods, there is a "Homeowner's Association" that makes sure none of the residents go overboard in their quest for dominance. We have such an association, but it has been largely inactive except to organize a block party for as long as I've lived here. That all changed recently.

I've consulted the battery of attorneys I have on retainer here at Brian Noonan Worldwide Inc., and they have advised me to be as vague as possible while describing the following events. Obviously my legal eagles don't really pay too much attention, since being vague is one of my strong suits. It comes from my days with the "Company".

Long story short, the past President of the Association was accused of financial malfeasance. I thought that consisted of him spiriting away an extra pan of Rice Krispy treats from the block party, but that shows you the extent of my financial understanding. According to his accusers, the amount of money in question ranged from ten to fifty six thousand dollars. That's a lot of misappropriated Moon Bounce rentals. The monies came from a couple bank accounts, credit cards and unmarked boxes of loot generated by a fund raising event and covering the last decade. You may think I'm apathetic, but I've only been in the neighborhood a little over two years, and if I can't account for a ten spot, I mount a full investigation. This place was really asleep at the switch. Last year, some former Association board members got wind of the alleged windfall by El Presidente and formed a junta to seize power and oust the alleged embezzler.

I realize this is not the short story I promised, so here's how I got involved. "Wife" and some other residents decided they didn't like the fact that the junta had seized power, kept the rest of the neighborhood in the dark and called a meeting where they hoped to install themselves as the self appointed keepers of the neighborhood. I don't know where "Wife" caught the activism bug, but it infected her like a twenty dollar hooker. She created a flyer with the names of all the candidates and spent last weekend going door to door drumming up interest in the meeting. She was a regular grass roots organizer. I was able to convince her that mounting a huge speaker to the roof of the car and campaigning Blues Brothers style was a little over the top. She was successful in getting a large turnout at the meeting which surprised the junta and resulted in some tension.

The two hour meeting consisted of defensiveness, a little shouting and one guy flexing his middle aged guns while making motions. Impressive thought they were, I thought it a bit much to wear such a tight shirt to the meeting, but in hindsight, if I had sculpted my body to that of an aging extra from 300, I would wear form fitting garb too. I tried to lighten the mood on a couple occasions, but "Wife" was in full "voice of the people" mode and would have none of my frivolity. I did solicit a few laughs by asking "Guns" his name every time he made a motion, which was an open mock of the recording secretary who was either distracted or sleeping every time "Guns" (not his real name) stated his name. I was unable to make any motions due to my general malaise, but finally tried to push one through near the end of the festivities, only to be told by a guy with a Robert's Rules of Order book that I didn't need to move on that particular point. I protested loudly, seconded my own fake motion, added that there would be no discussion on the matter and then abstained from voting on the motion that was only in my mind. Democracy in action.

I could tell you the outcome of the meeting, but I can't say for sure there was one. I know that I think we may have thought about moving to vote to decide on studying the idea of letting the former El Presidente off the hook and dropping the matter, but that would be speculation on my part. What I do know is that I want nothing more to do with some of the people who live in my neighborhood and I can say with confidence that in some of their minds, the feeling is mutual. "Wife" is running for a board position in the upcoming election, but I will remain in the smoky back room during the campaign.

Enough of politics, let's talk entertainment. This is another weekend of "Two scoops of Brian on WGN." I'll be hosting WGN Overnight Friday night and Saturday night, or do you say Saturday and Sunday morning. Either way tune in and enjoy all the radio irreverence you can handle. Big news next week. Have a great weekend. Later...Brian