A Matter Of Trust

Some people say that having a dog is like having a kid. Since I have both, I feel I'm qualified to voice my opinion. While both are a responsibility, we all know that kids are a bigger pain in the ass. Kids do get the edge in a few areas, including the fact that after a few years, I was able to stop cleaning up "Daughter's " poop. No such luck with the hounds. People who say dogs are like kids are probably the same ones who dress their dogs in human clothing. Every time I see a dog in a beret, I want to punch it's owner. Do you think that your pooch looks cool? Don't be stupid. The other dogs are laughing at your dog. If he had lunch money, the other dogs would take it, and then use those funny pants you bought him to exact an atomic wedgie on your sissified pup.

That being said, I treat my dogs pretty well. On most days, if given a choice between pulling them out of a burning building or saving the lives of some of the idiots I come across, guess what? "Sorry dude, you shouldn't have cut me off in the parking lot, I think there's some water over there." Yes, I take care of my dogs, but I still remember that they're dogs. Usually it's not hard to remember, since I get to see them sniffing each others butts or eating their own vomit. I don't fully trust them either. I know they've been domesticated, but deep down, nature can not be silenced. I see the way they look at me when I'm sinking my teeth into a juicy steak. They're just biding their time until the inevitable showdown. Right now, they know I'm the lead dog in the pack, but I can see it in their eyes. One night while I'm asleep, they'll turn on me and then it's on.

It's very important for dogs to know the hierarchy of the house. They still live by the pack mentality. When we got our first dog, we received a handbook from the Humane Society. It suggested that in order for a dog to know you are the pack leader, you had to get your dog to submit. The book suggested wrestling your dog onto it's back until it quit fighting. At that point, you were the big dog. One of my brothers took it a step further and gently bit down on his dog's neck to drive the point home. It worked. I loved that, so I did it with both my dogs. Let's just say, there is no question who is the big dog of the Noonan pack.

Today I took a big risk. Our insane dog Spike usually stays in his crate or "house" when we go anywhere. Baloo gets free reign, but Spike was dubbed "El Destructo" when he was a puppy because of his insistence on eating everything in sight. He had a particular fondness for "Wife's" dirty underwear, that he would repeatedly dig out of the hamper. I care for him deeply, but I must say that he is not the brightest of canines. While I don't think he would have to wear a helmet and take the short bus to the kennel, he won't be training for one of those dog agility courses any time soon, If it was up to him to pull me out of a burning building or tell the family that I had fallen down a well, my story would not have a happy ending. Today I decided to tempt the fates. With an OK from "Wife" I let Spike stay out while I ran some errands. Sometimes you just have to trust that the good side of someone will win out. To my delight, I just returned home to find Spike and Baloo lounging together and after a quick inspection of the house, there is no damage. One giant step for Spike. One giant leap for man/dog relations.

So we've reached a milestone. I still believe that if I pay close enough attention I can see a conspiratorial look in their eyes, and one day I'll wake up with one or both of the dogs standing over me salivating. But for now, they are obeying the law of the pack. If only I could get the other pack members to follow directions this well. Have a great weekend. Later....Brian