Get Al Gore On The Phone

There may be an inconvenient truth about the planet getting hotter, but today I'm calling "bulls**t". It was seventy degrees yesterday and today...SNOW FLURRIES. No, I'm not drunk. I'm also not dandruff ridden and shaking my head like a snow globe. There's white stuff falling from the sky and even though it's Passover and Holy Week, I'm betting it's not manna.

I was all done with winter. My winter clothes were put away and I had begun planning a way to get my pasty skin a golden brown. I spent Monday at the ball yard watching the White Sox lose and catching some rays. I was all set. I even spread extra chemicals in the yard, drove useless miles and used three cans of Aqua Net building a beehive hairdo all in hopes of depleting the ozone layer a little more to usher in the warm weather. You know what they say about best laid plans. They cause Mother Nature to bend you over a stool, that's what they do.

If I seem to be whining, live with it. My inflatable Easter Bunny is taking a beating in winds that are gusting up to 45 miles an hour, and I have to cover up my Spring pedicure with wool socks. I blame Canada. I don't have any hard evidence, just a sneaking suspicion. Whenever the temperature drops drastically, we're told that it's because of a cold front coming in from the North. My first inclination is to put all the blame squarely on the cheesy shoulders of Wisconsin, but they're too close. it doesn't make strategic sense. It has to be Canada, with their nationalized health care, maple leaves and geese. They just want to extend hockey season all year. It's not our fault their baseball teams can't hang. Why do they need to ruin everything for us?

I'd like to type more, but my fingers are turning blue. I should have put on my Oliver twist, fingerless gloves. It's time to go huddle by the fire. Seriously Al, where's the warming? What about the rumor of a second ice age? I'm starting to believe that one a little more. Later....Brian