We Can Rebuild Him

Happy Friday. Yes that's me to the left "enjoying" my rehab. If you look closely you will get a glimpse of my lair, including the top edge of the famous "Comfort King" which has become my sanctuary, bed and best friend this week. Don't look too closely hoping for a glimpse of my naughty bits either. The person who took the photo double and triple checked my shorts to assure a "G" rating. If this post gets a little odd, please keep in mind that I am under the influence of heavy medication and "Wife" is making sure I get the maximum dosage in the minimum time allowed.

I went in for my surgery Tuesday afternoon, nervous but hopeful. As I wrote last time, no one, including my excellent surgeon Dr. Ho, knew what to expect. The first thing I should have expected was that the public is made up of some complete dunder heads. This is off topic, but isn't that one of the things I'm known for? The waiting room in the "Ambulatory Surgery" wing was filled with signs telling the rude and self important not to use cell phones and prohibiting food and drink since patients having surgery are denied food and drink and to have these items in the waiting room amounts to cruelly teasing the thirsty. Do I need to describe the scene? You guessed it. The aggressively illiterate were doing whatever they wanted, others be damned. Why is it that some people think the entire world wants to hear their conversations? there were a few women in the waiting room who were talking to their families (who it should be pointed out were sitting right next to them) at a volume rivaled only by a Who concert in 1969.

There are so many details of my saga I'd like to share, but I'm already missing the "Comfort King", so I'll try to give you the highlights. After being taken into pre-op, Dr. Ho and his team came in to assure me that everything would be fine. His chief resident, another fine physician (I can't remember how to spell his name) was charged with the task of shaving my knee. This was no small task, and I"m sure all the years in med school and residency seemed well worth it as he wrestled with the forest of hair on my wounded gam. I had a number of options for anesthesia ranging from being completely knocked out to clenching my jaws on a rolled up wash cloth. I went for the middle ground and received a full leg block. It was wild. The anesthesiologist used a live wire to pump some wattage into my leg's cottage. When he got me twitchin' like a leaf on a tree, he injected something into my leg rendering it useless. In fact, my leg is still not completely unblocked, causing me a bit of concern, but leaving the doctor to assure me, "we've never had one not come out of the block. Don't worry." Easy for him to say. After getting me on operating table, I got a little something to "relax" me. This was when I noticed the monitor.

I could see the team prepping the instruments and asked the anesthesiologist to roll down the barrier so that I could watch the procedure. I'm not kidding. I love watching operations on TLC, so what better operation to take a gander at than my own. Everyone was a little surprised by my request, but the barrier was rolled down a little giving me an unobstructed, hi-def view of the inside of my "messed up" knee. It's hard to describe what I saw. I was in and out through most of it due to my "relaxation", but I watched as rough angles and out croppings were shaved away. It was like a small fish eating algae. Dr. Ho had told "Wife" that the actual surgery would take about 45 minutes. In fact, it took two hours. That should give you some idea of the wonderful surprises he uncovered when he got in there. There were numerous meniscus tears. The biggest surprise was that something he suspected was a "floating body" turned out to be a piece of bone from an old injury that had attached itself to the side on my kneecap and continued growing. They had to do "major resurfacing" (just like IDOT, only on schedule and under budget) to my entire knee as well. When Dr. Ho saw "Wife" after the surgery, he told her how surprised he was at all the damage and the amount of work they had to do. The good news, besides the fact that my knee is fixed, was that they didn't have to do the "micro fracture" that would have cost me six weeks on crutches.

I have not fared too well on the crutches. Trying to come into the house Tuesday afternoon, I followed the instructions I had been give on walking up a step with crutches, but to my chagrin, fell and landed right on my post-op knee. Sounds terrible right? Well the pain wasn't bad, but trying to drag my big ass off the floor with a dead leg was a real treat. Wednesday morning, I was feeling confident after a night of successful wanderings. I got up to go to the bathroom, lost my balance, and fell backwards bending my dead leg and foot under me. I heard a noise you never want to hear from your body and a let out a scream no man should ever utter. I ended up back at the surgeons office getting an X-ray of my swollen foot. Nothing was broken, but I now am sympathetic to the elderly who seem to dwell on their fear of falling.

The machine in the picture is a CRM machine. It moves my knee so I don't have to. I love the fact that technology is around to combat my sloth. According to the doctor, it will begin to shape the new surfaces of my knee. Hey, as long as the machine does it for me, resurface away.

So there's your update, whether you wanted it or not. I won't be doing my show tomorrow night, but will be back next week. I'll also be doing all the Friday night/Saturday morning shows through July. After that, who knows, but your support is always appreciated. I'm off to settle into the CRM for another two hours and hopefully watch the White Sox dole out a little payback on the Cubs. Have a great weekend. Later...Brian