You Don't Want Carpeting......

You want an aaaarea rug. For some reason I will always remember that line. It comes from comedian Taylor Negron's act circa 1987. Reading it doesn't do it justice, but it fit today's theme, so there you go.

I was going to post earlier today, but then thought, "Gee what would I rather be doing than writing a humorous post? I know, I'll clean the carpet in the family room." That line could go into the Procrastinator's Hall of Fame, but you know me, I like to do things with a flourish.

The carpet really did need to be cleaned. When we moved into this house almost three years ago, the previous owners had done what all home owner's do when trying to unload their crib, they had the carpets cleaned. It's a nice gesture, but most folks make the mistake of having the carpets cleaned while they're still living in the house. When furniture is removed, viola, the cryptic outline of furniture past. We made that mistake when we sold the house in California. I had forgotten that our oldest dog had spent the years leading up to our departure basically living under our bed. When the movers took out the bed, it looked like a homicide scene. Sorry. Well, the people who had this house did the same thing. The family room wasn't an issue except for the fact that the carpeting is a light beige, never a good color for a high traffic, pet friendly family. Time to take action.

I don't know what kind of voodoo professional carpet cleaners perform to make stains disappear, but it is only a temporary magic. Over the past few months mystery stains have risen throughout the room. No, it's not the dogs, wise guy. While the older dog has had some incidents culminating in stains originating from both ends, these stains are of unknown and historic origins. I keep waiting for some religious icon to become visible in one of the stains. It would be phenomenal to have a shrine right in my family room. By the glow of the sixty incher, the faithful could pay their respects while making large donations. I would be ensconced in the "Comfort King" telling them the story of the miracle and reminding them that shrines don't pay for themselves.

We could have called in a professional cleaner, (carpet, not a CIA assassin) but as luck would have it we were given a carpet cleaner as a gift years ago. What does that say about our cleanliness that someone would decide that a carpet cleaner was an appropriate gift? We've only used it once before, which, come to think of it may answer my previous question. I spent two hours working on the carpet. If I do say so myself, it looks much better. I wish I had saved the black water that I continuously had to empty from the machine. It's always a shock to see how dirty something really is. I felt dirty for having sat in that room for so long wallowing in invisible filth. I was so motivated by the clean carpet that I took all the cushion covers off the sofa and love seat and washed them too. I may cover everything in plastic to preserve my efforts.

Here's some other news. Friday morning I will be a guest on the Spike O'Dell Radio Show on WGN. Spike is broadcasting from a restaurant so close to my house that it couldn't have been more convenient if he had been doing the show from my garage. When I told his producer that I lived so close, he scheduled a segment for me. I'll be on around 7:20 am, only my second WGN day time appearance. Management likes to keep me under wraps . Do they think of me as a wonderful gift they are saving for a special occasion, or the crazy uncle you keep locked in the basement? One can only speculate. Either way, it will be a great start to the weekend and a good lead in for the big WGN Overnight Shows Friday and Saturday night. Listen if you can. Later...Brian