Hitchcock Has Nothing On Me

I was going to use today's post to simply plug the weekend radio shows, but that seemed so self serving that I had to give loyal readers something more substantial. Well, grab your plate and utensils and prepare to be sustained.

If you recall, last week was "Wife's" birthday. She had dropped hints that she would like a bird feeder as a gift. Being a sensitive, caring and observant husband, (talk about self serving), I took a mental note and thanked "Wife" for making my shopping easier, or so I thought. I arrived at our local "Garden Center" expecting to be in and out in about five minutes. How hard can it be to buy a bird feeder? All it is is a dish with some seeds, right? That couldn't be further from the truth. I was directed to the back of the store where I stood, hunched on my crutches, staring at an entire wall of devices meant to feed the same birds I had been cursing a day earlier for soiling my car with the remnants of someone else's bird feeder.

My mind boggled at the array of choices. There were the cheap plastic feeders, metal feeders that looked like houses, feeders for hummingbirds, finches, wild birds and pterodactyls. Another fun fact I hadn't taken into account was that squirrels enjoy eating bird seed, so you have to prepare for their free loading rodent ways. That opened up an entirely different line of feeders, the type that have a spring that shuts off the food window when some gigantor squirrel hops on the feeder to devour the bird's feast. If you don't want a spring loaded deal, you can buy a high priced motorized model that actually spins the squirrel into space if he tries anything funny. There was a video demonstration of that in the store, and I must be honest, the site of a squirrel flying through the air made me laugh for twenty minutes. I'm giggling right now just thinking about it. The next question to be answered is how to mount your feeder. Do you want it on a pole, in the trees, on a shepherd's hook? If you go for the pole, you need a squirrel baffle (see above) , then you need to consider moving the entire setup when you cut the grass. As you can imagine, my head was splitting with all these choices and I was almost to the point of giving "Wife" a gift card and letting her deal with all these nature loving questions. Hey, I haven't even gotten to picking the seed yet, but I hope from that statement you can figure out that it was as convoluted as picking the feeder. Do I really care that an animal who regularly feeds it's young chewed up worms won't like the seed I picked because it doesn't contain the right mix of sunflower seeds?

I decided on a mid-range feeder that was both decorative and squirrel secure. The mounting question was easier because this feeder did not come equipped with the pole mount option, so I got a hook for it to hang in the tree. The friend who had been helping me due to her "expertise" in the field, told me the proper seed and I was off. "Wife" loved the gift and we immediately filled the feeder and placed it in a tree in the backyard. After three days, no birds had come to our complimentary buffet. I was stunned at the avian snub and suggested we move the feast to another tree. That was the way to go. Now the feeder is the hot spot in the neighborhood for all types of birds. It's like a popular nightclub with blackbirds acting as the bouncers. They tend to run the joint and keep what I can only imagine are the undesirable birds out. Those lost souls sit in the grass waiting for the crumbs that drop from the feeder, kind of like the guys who hit the bar after last call hoping to round up the leftover drunk girls.

I'm really enjoying watching Nature in action. Yesterday a rabbit was hanging with the ground birds behind the velvet rope snacking on the leftovers. When different species can coexist in that way can peace on Earth be far off? Probably, because one of the blackbirds attacked the rabbit to reclaim it's turf. Ah, all is right with the world. I worry watching their violence that if I neglect to fill the feeder, the birds will turn on me and chase me, Tippy Hedron style, throughout the neighborhood. I've already caught some of them looking at me with their dead eyes and to be honest, it's a little freaky.

It's another "Two Scoops of Brian" weekend on WGN. I'll be hosting the Friday night (or do you say Saturday morning?) edition of WGN Overnight from 2-5 am and my own "original and still the best" WGN Overnight from 1-5am Saturday night/Sunday morning. I hope you can join me for all the "radio irreverence". Have a great weekend. Later.....Brian