You Too Wasteful!

You may remember from some of my earlier posts that I had a little trouble with a few folks while I was in Des Moines, Iowa. I tried my best not to paint all the residents with the same brush, but news from Iowa again has me wondering what the hell they're putting in the water out there.

A woman and her family were tossed out of a Chinese buffet the other day and told not to come back because they were wasting too much food. We'll argue the merits of the buffet culture in a second, first let's focus on this particular heifer. It was reported that this woman, her boyfriend and her three kids were at the Dragon House buffet in Des Moines. They paid their $5.95 (way cheap if you ask me) and descended on the buffet like locusts. I wasn't there, but I can imagine the feeding frenzy that ensued. After a while, the manager scolded the group for throwing away too much food. "They take four egg rolls and crab rangoon, take one bite of egg roll and then throw it out. That's wasting food." said Ken Cao, the manager of the restaurant. It's not only wasteful, it also seems unrealistic. Who can take just one bite of an egg roll? They are so yummy.

Apparently this wasn't the first time this kind of thing has happened. The manager said she had done this on previous visits. The woman claimed that this was their favorite restaurant. She also had the nerve to say that since she had paid the princely sum of $5.95, she was entitled to all the food she wanted, even if she didn't eat it. She also tried to use her kids as an excuse, saying "you know how kids are. They take one bite and then want something else." Talk about passing the buck. That's the way lady, put all the blame on your kids. What about the fact that you never taught your junior eating machines that it's not right to waste food. This goof had the audacity to blame the restaurant too, saying that they should have posted a sign saying that you should take what you want, but eat what you take. Really? Did they need to post a sign reminding you to chew your food, and another reminding you to wipe yourself after you process your egg foo yung? Maybe you should take responsibility for your own actions you hump. Just cause you had six bucks burning a hole in your pocket, doesn't give you the right to throw out ten dollars worth of chow.

This is one of the reasons I hate buffets. Let's forget for a minute that the food is usually sub par. You know what you're getting when you only pay a few bucks. You take your chances grazing among the steam tables. Maybe you'll get lucky, or maybe you'll be forced to gorge yourself on Salisbury steak and mac and cheese. No, the food isn't the problem. I hate to be surrounded by the buffet customers. It's always a genetic freak show. Back in the day, my friends and I would partake in various buffets from time to time. We would pride ourselves in the damage we could put on a chafing dish of chicken wings and the amount of mojo potatoes we could devour at one sitting. That's fine for a joke now and again, but if you become a regular you get sucked into the eating vortex. These places are always filled with misshapen monsters all decked out in their special "eating pants". They pile up their plates with mounds of food, usually not knowing what all of it is, but hey, since it's there we should eat it. I guess they don't know that the fine buffet folks will keep filling the troughs. You can go back as may times as you want, and they do. I love to see the people who need to "Rest" between rounds. Good Lord! If you're eating so much that it tires you out, push back from the feeding tube. They get a wide eyed post coital look on their faces and revel in the starch induced bliss. I enjoy eating as much as the next guy, but if I ever get orgasmic over a steamship round of beef, check me into a program.

I like Chinese buffets. The people working there are usually very surly and efficient. They could be Germans if they put their minds to it. Every Chinese buffet is the same, and I think that's what makes them so comforting when I'm on the road. They always have these chicken skewers that make me crazy. At least I think they're chicken. I always find it best not to look too close. Man all this food talk has made me hungry. It's lunch time and I happen to be wearing sweat pants. Lots of room for expansion. Later...Brian