Dance Like Nobody's Watching

Sometimes I have to search for ideas to write about and sometimes, all I have to do is turn on the TV and an idea hits me square in the jaw. Last night as I lay in bed flipping channels, I had the privilege of witnessing a post that almost wrote itself.

If you've never stopped your channel surfing on Fuse TV, do yourself a favor and stop by. Fuse is the home of my new favorite show, "Pants Off, Dance Off". I know, the title alone is enough to make you reset your TiVo. For the uninitiated, PODO (as the kids call it) combines two things that people love, namely music and nudity. The premise of the show, if there is one, is simple. People are video taped dancing to their favorite songs and taking off their clothes, hoping that viewers will vote for them so that they can win "valuable" prizes and their fifteen minutes of fame. Sounds simple doesn't it? Damn right it does, which is why I'm kicking myself for not thinking of it.

On paper this sounds great. You could have a ton of beautiful people stripping down to fantastic lingerie and dancing for our enjoyment. The reality is much different, but no less entertaining. The contestants come in all shapes and sizes, right down to a dwarf dude who shook his money maker in the hopes of TV glory. Some of these people should never take their clothes off, let alone take them off on TV, but that makes PODO all the more fun. Nothing makes me laugh harder than watching freaks enjoy themselves with reckless abandon. A lot of these contestants aren't Spring chickens either. When you think crazy, you think of a 43 year old guy, bald except for his pony tail, gyrating to some techno music in a leopard print pair of briefs. How bout the misshapen, ex carny girl whose thong can't hide her pelvic tattoo and C section scar? Talk about a party.

I almost forgot one of the best parts. The new season is being hosted by former child star and meth addict Jodie Sweetin. Who? You know, the girl who played middle child Stephanie on Full House. What will uncle Jesse think? Will Joey come on and dance without his pants while doing a Popeye or Bullwinkle impression? Were the Olsen twins booked?

I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall at the pitch meeting for this show. "I've got a great idea. Let's do a show where attention starved people dance to obscure music." "No, I don't think that will work." "What if they take off their clothes, and we gave them some Turtle Wax?" "You're a genius. Can you get a recovering drug addict, former child star to host?" "I'll see, but I think Danny Bonaduce is already doing a new game show."

I'm working on my audition video now. I think I have a good chance of winning. I have no pride left, and I can get my ass moving like Shakira. I just need to find some tear away pants and a novelty g-string and it's off to the races. Keep that picture in your head. I dare you. Later....Brian