I Don't Think He's A Dog Either

Rarely do I pay attention to news coming out of the Czech Republic. Today would have been no exception were it not for the fact that our entire vision of the universe was called into question. Leading astronomers stripped Pluto of it's status as the ninth planet in the solar system.

The International Astronomical Union, (I know, I've never heard of them either) stunned the world (I may be exaggerating) by reversing it's position of a few weeks ago that said they were going to allow Pluto to remain a planet. I wish I could give you all the technical jargon that these star gazers used for downgrading Pluto, but to be honest, I don't speak nerd all that well. Suffice it to say that under some new planetary guidelines, Pluto didn't measure up. A planet needs to be big enough to be almost round, it has to orbit the sun, and it needs to "clear the neighborhood" with it's orbit. I guess Pluto wasn't planet enough to get everyone else out of the way with it's little, oblong orbit. I hear that Neptune told him to step off and to "check yourself before the International Astronomical Union wrecks yourself."

My world is all out of whack now. What does this mean? If Pluto isn't a planet, and is in fact a "dwarf" planet, then what does that do to my 7th grade science grade? Will I be retroactively given a failing mark because I have one Styrofoam ball too many in my hastily assembled solar system? Will Mickey Mouse have to rename his faithful hound? Nobody wants their dog named after some floating rock. A planet name is cool. Space garbage names are not.

My universe seems a little smaller today. Can you feel it? It's like the universe is closing in on me. I need to loosen my collar. What am I crazy? I haven't thought about the planets or the solar system since I saw War of the Worlds on pay-per-view. I check out the moon on occasion and think about the sun and the Earth, but unless some super robot is coming to disintegrate mankind, I'm not paying a lot of attention to the other planets. So while I morn Pluto's loss of stature, I applaud it for hanging on to it's false title for so long. It gives hope to all the little guys out there. Dream big little space rocks, someday you may get called up to the big show. Later...Brian