I Need New Drawers

Today I may be falling into the category of "Too Much Information", so if you feel squeamish about learning of my personal habits, click away now and save yourself months of therapy and a mental picture that may never be erased. If you're still here, good for you. Today is a monumental day. I'm off to get new underwear.

Why is this such a big deal? It really shouldn't be. Most rational people buy new underwear all the time. Empires have been built on the notion that we want something soft and delicate to guard our soft and delicates from the harsh world. I think I'm like a lot of guys though. I only buy underwear when it's absolutely necessary, and even then, I usually exceed the expiration date by a few months. Well that time has come. I won't get into a lot of details. Suffice it to say that if a doctor needed some samples from me for a physical, I wouldn't have to go to a lab, I could just hand over that a pair of my unmentionables. That and the fact that I think waist bands are supposed to be connected to the material for the entire circumference of your undies. The problem is that these old undies are so comfortable. It feels like I'm going "commando" without the risk of a stray drop.

I know you must be wondering if I'm a boxer or brief kind of guy. I'm not telling. I think we need to keep a bit of mystery between us. It keeps the relationship fresh. I think you have read enough to figure out that I am very utilitarian when it comes to my under garments. I'll put your mind at ease a bit by assuring you that my naughty bits will not be nestled in a banana hammock. I leave that for mis-shapen Frenchmen. I'll be heading out to Wal-mart and picking up a couple packs. Then the problem of breaking them in begins. It's like a stranger has taken up residence in my pants. For the first few weeks things are too tight in some places, riding up in others and I fight a constant battle for nether region dominance. Finally, the material stretched into compliance and all is right with the world.

I would have put this off a little longer if I could have. We're going on a trip next month, and I figured this was a good time to upgrade. I don't want the airport security nosy parkers rummaging through my bags and coming up with undies that have hideous Shroud of Turin type markings on them. They would probably confiscate them as hazardous materials. Well I'm off. If I seem a little crankier the next few days, you'll know why. Don't tell me not to get my panties in a bunch either. I won't be able to help it. Later...Brian