Three Years Early

I knew when "Wife" gave birth to "Daughter" that I was in trouble. I didn't grow up with sisters and didn't have a lot of accumulated knowledge of women as my life went on. The prevailing logic was that I would have a relatively peaceful existence until ""Daughter"" hit puberty, around 13 I thought, then those pesky hormones would kick in and I would relocate to the basement. As usual, "Daughter" is not sticking to the schedule.

I don't know if it's pre-puberty, lack of sleep or an ingrown toe nail, but "Daughter" has been a pain lately. Is that wrong to say? Maybe if you're one of those touchy, feely, hippy types who don't have kids it is. If you're a parent you know exactly what I'm saying. Sometimes you wonder what evil you perpetrated in a past life to have to endure such suffering in this one. There is something unique to girls that makes every event a nominee for best drama. Every discussion ends with tears and the now infamous "you never listen to me." I listen, I just don't like what I'm hearing. I don't know where she got it, but "Daughter" always has the desire to get in the last word. Why can't she be more of a blushing flower like me?

I don't know if this is a girl thing or not, but "Daughter" also seems to only operate at two speeds, slow and stopped. It gets worse when we tell her to pick up the pace. You can almost see her brain switch to an as yet unused gear that makes the stopped gear look downright speedy. It's as if she were constantly moving forward by going in reverse. When I ask her why it takes her so long to do anything she rolls her eyes and gives me that huffing sound. I know that's her way of telling me to "F-off". For now she still knows better than to say it out loud. I love her and all, but my patience has it's limits. I'm not saying I'd deal with her the same way I would some drunk at the local pub, but there's something to be said for constant intimidation.

So what's a guy to do? I haven't gotten my 60 inch Plasma for the basement yet, so I guess I'll have to learn to deal with it. It's amazing how many times I have to take out the garbage and cut the grass. I gotta get that TV downstairs. Don't forget the big show tomorrow night/Sunday morning on WGN from 1-5am. It's getting better and better. Don't you want to say you were there from the beginning? Have a great weekend. Later...Brian