We're Creepy, And We're Kooky

October is only 10 days old, and already our neighborhood looks like the set of a Wes Craven movie. I guess I mean a Wes Craven movie that was directed by Walt Disney. People have been putting out their Halloween decorations since last week. Since I look at holiday decorating as a bloodsport, I spent the day pulling boxes out of the crawl space and trying to make the house look sufficiently terrifying.

Let me digress a little and ask, when did Halloween go from being a day to being a "season"? When we were kids, Halloween was Oct. 31st. Maybe you would go to the grocery store or farm stand a few days before and get a pumpkin. Then a day or two before the big event, you'd spread newspaper across the kitchen table, scoop out the pumpkin innards, and carve up a scary jack-o-lantern. Now, sometime in mid August, the stores are stocked with all manner of Halloween decorations. It's a scary fact, that adults are now spending almost as much on Halloween as they are on Christmas. Talk about a bunch of babies. Halloween was for kids, but now, all the aging Baby Boomers are co-opting it for themselves. The one benefit of this are all the repressed women who use Halloween as an excuse to dress up as naughty nurses, sexy maids, lusty vampires or dirty kitties. I'm no therapist, but I think there's some underlying longing at play there.

Back to my house. The decorations on the market today are weak if you ask me. Halloween is supposed to be scary. All you can find now are smiling jack-o-lanterns, dancing skeletons and Tweety Bird dressed as a witch. Ooooh how terrifying. "Wife " wants our house to have no happy, smiling decorations. She wants it to look like a true house of horrors. I hope she's not projecting that the outside should match the inside. Freud, now he's scary. I put out the requisite tombstones, corpses "rising from the dead" in the lawn and spooky lighting. My favorite spooktacular object is a ghoul in a top hat that hangs from the tree. I illuminate him with a hidden green spotlight, and the terror begins. I was out today and came across a horrifying winged skull for over the front door. Cue the screams.

Part of me worries that young children will be too scared to come to the door, but the other part of me thinks, "great, more Butterfingers for me." I think part of the fun of Halloween is having the snott scared out of you. If there isn't any challenge, what's the fun. We might as well just give candy out for no reason. Not on my watch. Only the Princess, Power Ranger or Sponge Bob with the intestinal fortitude to make it through my terror gauntlet will be feasting on free treats. BTW, my house is the scariest, and I still have a couple surprises as the day gets closer. Later....Brian