Easy To Assemble?

I missed Friday's blog because I was in the midst of a project for which I was slightly unsuited. "Daughter's" room is a disaster area. She's like most kids, whose idea of cleaning her room is to throw stuff under the bed or in the closet. Since I have taken on many of the domestic duties here at the casa, I'm responsible for dropping clean laundry off and telling her to put it away. Imagine my dismay to always find piles of clean clothes tossed on the floor. "I don't have enough space for them" is her usual excuse. That may have been true before, but no more.

"Wife" had decided that "Daughter" needed another dresser for her room. The one she had was cute, in girlie furniture term), but didn't hold enough clothing. Instead of plopping down huge money on dome "famous maker" piece of furniture, we decided to get a "build it yourself" piece, from the Sauder Company. We've gotten Sauder stuff before, everything from entertainment centers to dressers and a night stand for a spare bedroom. The stuff is pretty good quality and actually holds up as well as some of the more expensive furniture we've bought. It always looks good when it's assembled, but the assembly process puts my already frayed nerves to the ultimate test.

Let me start by telling you I am not handy. This fact may have been brought up before, but it bares repeating. Not being a "Mr. Fix-it" has served me well on a number of occasions. I'm able to get out of a lot of major renovations because "Wife" knows that in the long run, it's cheaper, easier and less life threatening to hire a professional to take care of any repairs at the house. My lack of mechanical prowess can only take me so far. There comes a point where every man must step up, strap on the tool belt and commence to buildin'.

My biggest problem with any of these projects is the feeling of total helplessness I feel after I unpack the box. As I survey the dozens of oddly sized planks, thousands of screws and the "hidden fasteners" I pray for hysterical blindness or a total loss of motor functions. I don't know when children started illustrating instruction manuals. The actual written word is kept to a minimum and I am left to decipher the crude cave drawings of the insane in order to assemble this monstrosity. The instructions lead me to believe that if I used my power screw driver, I would set the dresser on fire, or that the pre-drilled carpentry gods would cause knot holes to appear in odd places. I was forced to use an old screw driver with a rough handle. Listen, before you make that "world's smallest violin" motion with you fingers, my hands were made for crafting humor, not wood. The hardest thing they have to grip is....well you can figure it out. I have the soft, smooth hands of a debutante. Now my hands are blister filled paws. Hideous.

I finally finished the project, and so far, the dresser is still holding up. If you can believe it, I'm off to put together a TV stand right now. You won't believe why. Later...Brian