What A Cam-Pain

Over the last two weeks, a number of people have asked me if I'm ever political in this forum and if I was going to talk about the Democratic and Republican conventions. "What conventions?" I asked, feigning head trauma. Despite a few strolls down punditry path, I usually try to avoid talking politics. It's not because I'm not interested in the political process, don't care about the future of our country or secretly wish we still had a monarchy because of my love of flamboyant headgear. No, it's because when people start talking politics, they lose their minds. I have to discuss politics to some extent on the WGN show, but that usually leads to some folks forgetting all the social niceties they learned in kindergarten and and becoming irrational mud slingers, character assassins and overall boobs. There's an old saying, the three things you never discuss in mixed company are religion, politics and that annoying rash on your inner thigh. I tend to agree with that sentiment except for the fact that this rash is really itchy and is shaped like Richard Nixon's head and I think you'd find it fascinating.

I'll save the dissection of both conventions for the haircuts in the suits and headsets. They live for this stuff and are able to spend twenty minutes on the minutia that most of us don't even notice. Is it really telling that someone's eyebrow only arched three centimeters when they were extolling the virtues of a candidate's economic policy and a full four centimeters when downplaying the role of hamsters and treadmills in their energy plan? Instead of dwelling on the differences between the two conventions, which is probably harder than you think, since they are virtually identical, I'll just give you some of my impressions. If they don't suit your political leanings, feel free to yell at your monitor.

-Both conventions reminded me of old fashioned tent revivals. The faithful are whipped into a frenzy by high energy, arm wavin', foot stompin', speechafyin'. I fully expected to see delegates go into convulsions after being gripped by the spirit during an especially fiery bit of oratory.

- The ladies on both sides are bringing the heat. Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin all delivered rousing speeches. If you were truly undecided, it would be hard not to keep flip flopping like a carp on the deck while listening to any of these women. Speaking of the ladies...

- I dug Hillary's tangerine pantsuit. I applaud anyone who wears bright colors, from politicians to circus clowns.

-Is it just me or are both sides tugging at our heart strings more than those long distance commercials? Good Lord, I could never run for office because I don't have a story that could reduce Teamsters and grandmas to tears. I will admit that the Democrats did a little better at this than the Republicans, but no matter how many times I hear about John McCain's ordeal I tear up a little.

- I liked the back drop of the Democratic convention more than the Republican's. That being said, in a long shot, the Republican backdrop looks better, but since most of the speakers are shown in a close up, the dreamy blue of the Democrats worked better and really brought out Bill Clinton's eyes.

-Sarah Palin is kinda hot and she knows how to use a gun. Bonus!

-The kids are cracking me up at both conventions. Obama's youngest daughter went wild every time she saw herself on the Jumbotron. It was hysterical, and let's be honest, we'd all do the same thing. Don't believe me? Take a look at any local news show when a reporter is doing a live shot. Palin's youngest daughter was shown giving her baby brother a new hairstyle with the help of her palm and a generous supply of spit. She didn't care what was gong on in the arena, her brother had a cowlick that needed smoothing. The fact that these kids are acting like real kids says something about their parents.

- The Republicans seem a little more at ease with coming out guns blazing than the Democrats. it should make for a brutal campaign, unless the Democrats just roll over and "take the high road". On that note...

- Rudy Giuliani seemed a little to eager to blast the community work of Obama and has obviously never been told not to laugh at his own jokes. He was a bit too pleased with himself.

-I can't comment on the nominee's acceptance speeches since John McCain's is tonight, but he'll have to up his game to keep pace with all the speakers on both sides.

- Thank God it's all over tonight so we can get on with the endless commercials, debates and bitter back and forth for the next sixty days. More of my crack analysis of all things politics is sure to come. If you base your decision on what you read here, I weep for this country. Later...Brian