Blago Blog

I've spent the better part of the last two weeks decorating the house for Christmas. Between my compulsion to best my neighbors in the arena of exterior illumination and my anal retentive dedication to balanced tree lighting, I've been physically and mentally drained. My mind has been wandering and sometimes I think I hear things differently than they are said. That was the case the other morning when I heard one of the local radio news monkeys break into the regularly scheduled morning show jocularity to announce that Illinois Governor Rod Blagojavich was roused from his slumber by the FBI and taken into custody based on a seventy- plus page criminal complaint. I can't imagine that knock on the door, let alone getting that knock at six in the morning while I'm still in my footy pajamas and haven't had my first cup of coffee, but the FBI don't play homey. Wake your ass up, you're going to jail. OK, we'll let you put on your powder blue jogging suit, but the jammies looked manlier.

Everyone who lives in Illinois knew that the Gov. had been under investigation. Well almost everyone. Apparently Blaggo wasn't buying into the hysteria, and continued to wheel and deal with the State government in ways that made veteran FBI Agents shake their heads in disbelief. I don't have seventy six pages to write about all the things this fine public servant is accused of, so let's just hit some of the highlights.

He was shaking down the administrator of Children's Memorial Hospital. That's right, not just any hospital, a children's hospital. Allegedly (can I just write that once and have it cover all the complaints against Hot Rod?), the Governor wanted some cash for his campaign and threatened to pull funding from the hospital if the administrator didn't pony up. Classy! Maybe Rod figures his overly sprayed hairdo will protect him from the lightening bolts that God will rain on him for messing with kid's lives, or maybe he's just so staggeringly amoral and corrupt he doesn't care. Hey Roddo, remember you have kids who, God forbid, might need medical attention someday. I'm not saying watch out for the karma train, but maybe you should have confined your thievery and graft to adult ventures.

Not content to destroy the well being of children, "Blagghead" decided to threaten America's pastime. The Chicago Tribune's editorial board had not been kind to the Governor (gee, I wonder why?) so he decided they needed to fire one of the Editorial Board members or he would make sure the State didn't help Tribune with any funding for Wrigley Field, home of the Cubs. While I have no love for the North side team, I do have a love for freedom of the press. Last time I checked, the government can't tell newspapers what to write. Maybe in "Blagopolis" dissenting opinions can be shut down, but we're not there yet.

The complaint that's getting the most attention is that "Blagguption", always looking to line his pockets, attempted to sell the Senate seat vacated by our President elect to the highest bidder. Who knew it was that easy to become a Senator? In taped conversations, Haircut is heard yelling about how he's got "something golden (the Senate appointment) and he's not giving it away for f*#k*n' nothing." This guy used so many profanities during the course of the taped conversations that even I thought "wow, he needs to tone down the language." That's coming from a guy who swears going into and coming out of church. He even called Obama a "m*##*rf**#er". Holy insult Batman, that's the kind of talk that can make you disappear.

With all his shakedown money, you'd think this guy would have bought himself a Tivo and recorded The Sopranos and The Wire. Even the most insipid criminal knows you don't discuss that kind of business over the phone. Come on Blaggy. Get yourself some "burners" (disposable cell phones) so the man can't trace you, or have your underlings do all the talking and then report back to you, naked, in the middle of nowhere. Sure, you'll have to convince them about the naked part, but how else will you know if they're wearing a wire? The Feds are a dedicated bunch, so you have to stay a few steps ahead of them. I know that's a hassle though. That explains the arrogance and stupidity he displayed by continuing to carry on what US Attorney Pat Fitzgerald called "a political criminal crime spree." A crime spree? I thought those went out with Bonnie and Clyde. Come to think of it, they all did some serious robbing, so the analogy fits. Who keeps breaking the law when they know "the man" is watching? You either have to have balls so big that a wheelbarrow couldn't haul them around, or be a little touched in the head. I'm going to vote for plain old stupid.

The story will continue to unfold, so I'm sure this isn't the last you'll hear from me on the subject.

I don't know if I'll get a chance to write tomorrow. I'm going to see Spike O'Dell's last broadcast on WGN. He's retiring after a great career on his own terms, which in the current climate of radio is a double dose of success. After that it's the station "Holiday Party". Despite my reservations, "Wife" has urged me to attend, and it's usually best if I listen to her. I'll give you the details next week. I won't be doing my show Friday night, (long story) but will be back with four hours of "Radio Irreverence" Saturday Night/Sunday morning from 1-5 on WGN Overnight. We'll be discussing the Blago debacle, testing your knowledge on the Overnight Arcade, and welcoming the band This is Me Smiling for some in-studio jams. (I think that's what the kids call it) That and as always, me regaling you with my my sordid tales. I hope you can join me. Later...Brian