Man's Best Friend Part Deux

An unseasonably warm spell has arrived in Chicago. This should bring a ray of hope that Spring will come soon. However, not only do I realize Spring is months away, this weather also melted all the snow in the backyard. This can mean only one thing, cleaning up after the dogs.

I wish I could tell you that this activity provides me some Zen-like quiet time, but alas, it does not. The yard at our new home is big and my dogs like to wander when doing their business. I really need to figure out a way to get them to go in the same place or use a doggy port-a-potty. For 12 years this job has fallen to me, since neither my wife or daughter has the desire to keep the yard land mine free. I figure by this Summer I can make "Daughter" do it. I'll figure out some kind of allowance perk, or just threaten her as usual.

Sure, maybe this is the kind of thing I need to do to stay humble. Who am I kidding? I don't want to stay humble. I want to sit in my family room looking out the window watching someone else pick up after the dogs. I"m always reminded of the words to a great Joe Walsh song while I'm out with my little rake and scoop. The song is "Ordinary Average Guy", and it goes like this...."Every Saturday we work in the yard, pick up the dog do, hope that it's hard". Maybe sometimes that's all we need to make the day a little better. Gotta go, Spike's squatting. Later...Brian

Man's Best Friend

We decided that since everyone was coming to the house for Christmas, we would take the dogs to a kennel. I like having the dogs around, but Baloo is 13 and except for me, my dad, and my uncle Bob, she has hated every man she has come in contact with. My brothers are at the top of her list. Spike is a year and a half old Lab mix who weighs 95 pounds and is filled with youthful vigor. The problem is he thinks he's a lap dog.

We took them to the PetsMart Pet Hotel. It's like a regular kennel on steroids. They offer two types of rooms, the "Atrium Room " and the "Doggy Suite". The atrium room is a regular pen with a glass front so your poochy can look out and a mesh roof so air can circulate. I's pretty good size. The suite however rocks the house. Not only does your furry friend get a private, soundproof room so that he's not disturbed, he gets a cot, lamb skin rug and a TV. I don't know what the world is coming to. I never felt the need to provide my dog with constant video entertainment. They had Disney movies on a continuous loop. The one suite I could see had a bulldog, lying on his bed watching "Milo and Otis". That's nuts. Why taunt your dog by showing him that other dogs have the gift of speech. I think my dogs would enjoy some edgier fare anyway. Maybe " Cujo " or " American Pie". We did order them an ice cream treat for the nights they were there. Hell, it's Christmas after all. BTW, my dogs only had the atrium rooms. I'm not crazy. Later....Brian

Do Nothing Day

Christmas came and went as it always does. There is a lot of buildup and stress, and then poof it's over. We had a pretty good Christmas this year. "Daughter" turned everything around and Santa did indeed arrive at the Noonan house. "Daughter" was very happy with her loot. She usually doesn't ask for much, and Santa tries his hardest not to disappoint. I got some great gifts from "Wife" and "Daughter" and "Wife" really liked the gifts from us. So far so good.

I was cooking for the entire family. Usually I'm pretty calm in the kitchen, but the pressure of a holiday meal can take it's toll. I was working all day on the food. We had prime rib, twice baked potatoes three different veggies, a nice salad and tons of desserts. I only had one minor episode, but I pulled it together and everything tasted great. The wine helped take the edge off. The night was pretty much drama free except for one of my brothers not showing up for a still unexplained reason.

With Christmas over, the 26th became "Do Nothing Day." Except for picking the dogs up at the hotel (more on that tomorrow) we did nothing. We ate leftovers, watched movies, played with some new toys and relaxed. It was the best day of the holidays so far. I highly recommend it. I did feel a little guilty about not posting my blog, but oh well, it was Do Nothing Day, and that includes giving into guilt and peer pressure. Later....Brian

The Stockings Were Hung....

Things are really amping up at the casa in preparation for Christmas. This year, we are hosting the entire family. Being the psycho that I am, I'm making myself crazy trying to put together the perfect Norman Rockwell Christmas. You'd think that I'd know better by now, but hope springs eternal. I'm trying to be a little more"go with the flow."

There was drama tonight regarding Santa's impending visit, or lack thereof. "Daughter" has been going crazy lately. She had a meltdown tonight and I had to pull out the tried and true Dadism..."If you keep acting like that, maybe Santa won't be coming to this house." Now I'm pretty sure Old St. Nick has our house on mapquest, but a good threat is worth it's weight in gold.

Anyway, It's back to work. Here's wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, or a joyous holiday of your choosing. The sentiment is the same even if the name is different. Keep your fingers crossed for "Daughter", I think she'll need it. Later......Brian

Betty Crocker Took My Wife

Christmas is a time to be with family and friends, enjoy each others company and usually, eat like a pig. In an effort to keep us on a treadmill for all of 2006, "Wife" began her annual Christmas cookie bake-a-thon.

I'm usually out of town when this baking frenzy takes place, but things have been a little crazy this year, so now I'm elbow deep in it. Don't get me wrong, I'm a guy who loves cookies, but it's like Oz, I don't want to look behind the curtain. I'm very content to show up after all the work is done, pour myself a big glass of milk and do my damnedest to put myself into a diabetic coma.

Man is baking messy. The cookies look so nice on the plate, but right now it looks like a dirty bomb of flour and sugar went off in the kitchen. The dogs and every other surface are covered with colored sugar and sprinkles. Every so often, after the timer goes off , I hear a disappointed "Damn." This year "Wife" is trying some new recipes. I'm a fan of her old stand-byes, but I fear change in all aspects of my life. She went out and got herself some new cookie shooter thing. It's just like a caulking gun, but you can eat the caulk.

Well the timer just went off. I better go sample some of the new creations. God knows, she lives for my approval. If you believe that, you'll also believe that I'm only going to sample one cookie. Later....Brian

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Last night I went drinking with one of my oldest friends. We've known each other since first grade. Mike's wife Michele, is expecting twins and is giving birth on Friday. In anticipation of not sleeping for the next couple of years, we decided to tip a few.

Mike told me we were going to meet a few other guys that I hadn't seen in years. That was great, but then he told me where we were going. The bar they had chosen for the night's festivities was none other than the bar that was the scene of one of the biggest brawls in Noonan history.

On the night of my bachelor party, about twenty of us ended up at this bar after a fine evening of steaks, booze and fellowship. We're a peaceful lot, not prone to drunken outbursts. That's true until we are mingled with the public. Well mingle we did. At one point, one of my brothers (I'll leave his name out to save him from further shame) was accused of touching a bartenders ass. Forget the fact that he would have had to be Stretch Armstrong to do it. Anyhoo...He was taken out by the bouncers and long story short, the bar then emptied out and one of the biggest fights I have ever seen ensued. Police were called, noses were bloodied, eyes were blackened and insults hurled. We all survived and my wife still married me.

Fast forward fourteen years and here I go, right back in. Sure I was watching over my shoulder, but hell, it turned out to be dollar cheeseburger night. We ate drank and enjoyed catching up with old friends. Don't think for a minute I didn't have a shiv in my boot. I never forget. Later...Brian

Yes Virginia There Is A Santa Claus

For the last nine years I have done what most parents do and summoned the courage to take my child to see Santa at the local mall. This is a very big deal in a kid's life. So many decisions, what to wear, what to ask Santa for, and just how honest to be when the big question of whether you've been good or bad comes up.

We got to the mall earlier than expected and figured we'd sail through. No such luck. Turns out, Santa gets his dinner break from 5:45-6:45. Now I'm all for the big guy getting to chow down, or "feed the reindeer" as the party line goes, but if it were me, I'd try to have Santa's happy ass on his throne at the peak time that folks are coming home from work and schlepping their brood to the mall.

I do find some joy in the whole Santa visit. I like seeing the little kids who are so brave in line try to keep it together when lap time comes. It is kind of heart warming to see the innocence and wonder in their eyes. I also dig all the hot mommys that are in line. There is no wonder in the eyes of any adult. It's more of a glazed look usually associated with prisoners that just screams out..."I need a drink."

This Santa was excellent if the truth be told. He had on a custom suit with a flowing coat. His beard was real and quite impressive. His glasses were resting perfectly at the end of his nose, and I swear I saw a twinkle in his eye. He didn't rush any of the kids, even though I'm sure one toddler left Santa a special gift too. He was a pro. I almost started believing again. I guess that's why Santa is still such a big deal. Later...Brian

Tis the Season

Christmas week is off to a hectic start. I was racing full throttle to finish gift buying so that the rest of the week can be devoted to grocery shopping and cleaning in preperation for a good old fashioned Noonan family Christmas. That's sure to include a lot of screaming, eating and alcohol. Not necessarily in that order.

I was pleasantly suprised by my success today. The lines weren't too long and I only had to retrace my steps once. Apparently the computers at Best Buy make up their own inventory. I was at one location and told that the big suprise I'm getting for my mom was available at another store. I raced to the other store only to be told that no, they didn't have it, and they also didn't have my fallback item. Damn, back to the original store for the fallback which ended up costing more. Oh well...it is mom after all.

Speaking of old ladies. I believe that after a certain age, some sort of driving police should come to your house and take your license. More than once today, I was behind some geezer who decided to just stop in their lane and ponder the meaning of life. Horns don't bother these people, probably because they can't hear them, and tapping their cars only makes them wet themselves and prolongs my delay. Here's my guideline, if your teeth are in a cup at night, take the bus.

That sentiment won't endear me on my next stop. We're off to the mall so "Daughter" can visit Santa. I'm sure it will be fun, and by fun I mean mind numbingly horrible. I'll let you know. Later....Brian

My Big Shot

Last night was very exciting. After months of communications with radio bigwigs, I was given the opportunity to do an on-air audition at WCKG, Chicago's Free-FM. Everyone told me to not look at it as an audition, but hey, they're not the boss of me, I'll look at things however I want. The Eminem song "Lose Yourself" kept running through my head. That makes perfect sense. I'm forty, white and live in the suburbs. What other song would I have in my head? Sing along won't you, "you only get one shot do not miss your chance to blow, cause opportunity comes once in a lifetime."

The show came off without a hitch. The powers that be teamed me with a talented guy named Bill Lloyd. He has a voice that can dampen panties from twenty paces. Bill and I have differnt styles and opinions about what a radio show should be, but we were able to blend the two and create an entertaining couple of hours of radio. It was a blast! I enjoy using exclamation points. I feel like I'm writing in the voice of a 15 year old girl! Now the waiting game begins. The staion is looking to add some new talent to it's line up. I sure hope I'm that talent.

In other radio news, last night I got to meet Big John Howell from Chicago's US99. I'm not sure how exciting that news is, but it's always good karma to give a guy a shoutout.

Just to let you know, this isn't always going to be the feel good spot that it is today. I'm still basking in the afterglow of a successful night, but rest assured, the basking will end and I'll be back to my sarcastic, cranky and cutting self very soon. This week will be nuts as we prepare for Christmas at the casa. I'll keep you informed. Later....Brian

Welcome To My Rantings

Welcome to Brian Noonan's "Rantings of a Crew Cut Dad." I'm appearing on 105.9 WCKG "Free-FM" in Chicago this evening, but I'll be regularly adding my thoughts on those things that tickle me,annoy me , or otherwise pique my interest. Check back regularly. Later...Brian