The Cookie Cabal

You may remember that I wrote about "Wife" being cookie mom for "Daughter's" Girl Scout troop. Thankfully cookie season has been over for awhile, but last night we were sucked back into the cookie vortex. The Noonan clan loaded up the TrailBlazer and headed out to a shindig honoring all the Scouts who had sold more than 400 boxes of cookies.

Before I turn critical, which is my nature, let me commend the girls. Out of over 7000 Girl Scouts, only 47 conned enough suckers into buying these bite size delights to be invited to the party. For the math geeks out there, I think that's around one percent. I say I think, because I'm no math geek, and I don't have a calculator handy. So congrats to the girls. Your hard work is appreciated.

The numbers that some of these green vested selling machines put up were impressive. I thought "Daughter" had done great, selling 414 boxes, until I witnessed the utter domination displayed by a handful of future Amway giants. There were a number of girls who sold six to eight hundred, a few that hit the thousand box mark, and then there was the "Top Seller". This young lady had somehow managed to get rid of over 2000 boxes. Two thousand eleven to be exact. 2011! I had to re-type it because I couldn't believe it myself. That is a staggering amount of cookies. I think it's enough to put our entire neighborhood into a diabetic coma.

Being the suspicious sort, I began wondering how many of these cookies the dedicated Girl Scout had actually unloaded herself. "Daughter" sells cookies the old school way. She and "Wife" hit the streets and go door to door begging, I mean asking, folks for their support. "Wife" sold a few (10%) at work, but the rest were sold with the help of many hours of foot power. Somehow I doubt that some pint size Willie Loman is schlepping 2000 boxes of cookies through the neighborhood in her Radio Flyer wagon. Even if Biff and Happy were helping, it would be a monstrous undertaking. By the way her dad yelped when her name was read, I suspect foul play. I picture dad as the head of some company. In order for his princess to be queen bee of the cookie hive, he forces his employees to buy every cookie imaginable. I can see it now. The scared maintenance man forced to sit in a hard backed chair, under a blinding light, while his evil boss makes him choose between six boxes of thin Mints or his frozen turkey Christmas bonus. I may not like the way he does it, but damn, I love the results.

I've got a few months to figure out a way for "Daughter" to quadruple her output. This may take the place of outdoor illumination as my new vision quest. I really need to re-examine my priorities. Have a great weekend. Later...Brian