He's Not In The Book!

I'm aware of the fat that I didn't share my voting story with you yesterday as planned. Usually, I have some lame excuse like "the dog ate my computer" or "I was scaling an ice covered rock face", but this time, like MC Hammer, I have an excuse that is 2 Legit 2 Quit. While perusing the website of a large metropolitan newspaper (I hate New York) in an effort to prep for the radio show, I was infected with a virus. Not your run of the mill, mucus expelling virus, but the insidious computer type. Thanks to various spy ware and virus protection programs, I was eventually able to rectify the situation. It should have been a quick fix, but since I sometimes look at the computer like my dog looks at PBS, and I have a near paralyzing fear of deleting major operating systems, the process took most of the day. Throw in the fact that I had to get a haircut, (Computer be damned. I have an image to uphold) and you have the makings of a lost day. Now without any further ado.....

I hope you were a responsible citizen and cast your vote Tuesday. You know me, I'm civic minded to the core, so after taking care of a few things I headed to my polling place, not only to vote, but to pick me up one of those sweet "I voted" stickers. Nothing impresses people like a guy wearing a sticker on his coat. Don't believe me? Just ask any conventioneer in a hotel bar. My polling place is the local library. I think that's a respectable location to cast a vote. Knowledge is power and all that, books, being informed. You follow my logic right? It sure is better than one of the places I had to vote when I lived in California. For one election I went to a person's house and voted in their garage. The ballots were then put in a blue plastic tub. That didn't seem very official. For all I knew, this was some back alley voter fraud. Did I voice my concerns? No, I just swiped the guy's lawn mower and called it even.

So I'm in the library (remember) and I approach the table to sign in and get my ballot. Seated at this table were four senior citizens who were acting as the election judges, poll watchers and gate keepers of the democratic process. The man seated in middle, put down his McDonald's Chicken
Select (I wish I were kidding) and asked my name. Since "Wife" and I have voted at the library before, he immediately found my card and I signed my name. That's when the fun started. A woman who was so old she may have been a delegate at the Constitutional Convention let out a guttural howl. "He's not in the book!" She yelled it so loud that I thought a cadre of librarians would rush in and shush us in unison. "He's not in the book!" She couldn't stop saying it. I stood before her and and noticed that, in fact, I wasn't in the book. I saw that "Wife's" name had been written in at the bottom of the page. "There's my wife's name, I'm at the same address. I've voted here before." I tried to explain. "He's not in the book!" Man, this woman was single minded. The judge who had my registration card tried assuring her that I was, in fact, OK, and that she could just put me in the book. "He's not in the book!' "Well, just put me in the book." "You can put him in the book." "He's not in the book!" After thirty seven minutes of an improvised "Abbott and Costello Meet the Founding Fathers" routine the book keeper wrapped her gnarled hand around her quill pen, pulled it from the ink well and scrawled my name in the book. The judge handing out the ballots and I didn't fare much better. I had to shout my party affiliation four times. (Maybe he didn't get it when I responded "every day!" when he asked "Party?")

I saw news footage of people using high tech, touch screen voting machines. I wasn't on the tech express. I was handed a paper ballot and a black, Bic , Write Brothers, pen. What is this ? Am I in 7th grade electing a homeroom rep for student council? This is a presidential primary. I felt like I was back in grade school taking a standardized test and filling out my Scan-Tron sheet. I could barely focus on my votes since I was concentrating so hard on keeping my pen mark inside the circle. I'd hate to think that my vote didn't count because I had failed coloring in kindergarten. (Yeah, I did, but that's another story. It does explain a lot of the choices I've made, being outside the lines and all.) I finished voting, clapped the chalk off the erasers and headed out. My sticker was a badge of honor for about ten minutes. I think I lost it somewhere in the grocery store. For the rest of the day, I was reduced to running up to people and telling them I voted.

Now that the electoral process is over for a few months (in Illinois anyway) I hope you'll stay up late or wake up early Saturday night/Sunday morning and listen to the big show on WGN. This week we'll have regular features like the Overnight Arcade and Idol Chatter, but I'll also be talking to my resident music experts from Heave Media, getting their Grammy predictions, and discussing childhood vaccines and other medical issues with the very engaging Dr. Fatima Kahn. What a show! I may even do my election story live. Think of it, these words brought to life. Dare to dream. Have a great weekend. Later....Brian

A Week Of Superlatives

This week could be the most significant, top-notch, world class, incomparable, non pareil of all the fifty two that will make up 2008. That's not just me talking, that's the label attached to at lest two of this week's days.

It all started Sunday with "Super Bowl Sunday". Just putting the word "super" in front of something immediately sets it above the rest. If it weren't for "super" there would only be a man in a red cape and tights (just creepy), a bowl (boring unless it contains a yummy hot fudge sundae) or for those of you in Chicago, a dawg ( regular hot dogs can't compete). No, Super Bowl Sunday not only had the biggest game, but now the title of the biggest Sunday. The game was very exciting and lived up to it's billing. Does anyone else wonder why Archie Manning hasn't started some kind of quarterback stud farm, selling his MVP laced manberry juice to athletically challenged couples across the heartland? Good Lord, that guy can produce quarterbacks. I bet if you tried to catch a sample, it would be able to escape as many lab techs as you could muster and then still throw a completion to a waiting ovary that would clamp the seed to it's helmet and complete the play. Wow, I went a long way for that one didn't I?

Not to be outdone by Sunday, Tuesday was dubbed "Super Tuesday". I can't say I'm a fan of using the same grandiose description for a second day, but originality is a lost art. It was a super day indeed with primary elections in over twenty states. I'll share my voting tale tomorrow (hopefully), but it was exciting to watch the returns and to feel invested in an election. I know we're all invested in every election, but this one feels more significant to me. In keeping with the title of today's diatribe, let's say that this is a monumental, noteworthy, consequential, and vital election. Might I also suggest using an on-line thesaurus. Words are fun.

What to do with the rest of the week? I don't think I can go on just living out regular days. Monday wasn't "super" but it was sandwiched between two "super' days so it got a little of the residue smeared on it. Today is Wednesday. Boring! I know it's Ash Wednesday, but after I finish taking stock of my sins and begin my Easter preparation, the day still needs a nifty moniker. The weather is awful, so let's say today is "Worst Weather Wednesday". Not too uplifting, but it fulfills the superlative theme and my love of alliteration. I could go on like this, but then I take all the naming joy out of your lives. It's a fun game. Find your own adjectives and prescribe them to the days. Come on, don't be the only person on your block who isn't celebrating "Supreme Saturday". (that one's mine)

As Perry Mason used to say, "A side bar your honor." I just got news that the big show on WGN is doing very well as far as ratings. (Number 1!) That's due in no small part to all the people that listen. I want to thank you again for your support. My eventual media domination couldn't happen without you. You're unrivaled, unequaled and unparalleled. Later...Brian

Digging Out

I just got back in the house after two hours of snow clearing excitement. Between the blizzard from above and the blizzard of political messages we've all been deluged with the last few days, my head is spinning.

I spent last night watching the Democratic Presidential debate. What a love fest. I thought that at the end Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton would hold their embrace a second longer and then dissolve into a passionate kiss. Where were the fireworks? Only in their eyes. The two candidates spent so much energy avoiding offending the other that they bored me silly. I did learn a little about both candidates positions, so I guess that's good. What I really learned was how much alike they were. I also enjoyed all the shots of the celebrity laden crowd. here's a thought. If you're campaigning on a platform of helping the middle class, why not let some of them into the debate? Are you or I supposed to believe that Steven Spielberg is worried about paying for his health insurance or of the bank foreclosing on his compound? I did like some of the swipes both candidates took at the Republicans. At one point, Barack even made Hillary laugh. Now there's an accomplishment. Still, I did miss some of the feud style hysterics that filled the Republican debate. I think John McCain could still whip Mitt Romney in a fist fight. With the way they're going after each other, it may come to that.

While I was being civic minded, the heavens dumped almost a foot of snow on the area. After making "Daughter" breakfast, packing her lunch and letting out the dogs, the phone rang. It was the school district's "snow tree" letting us know that school was closed. How about calling a little earlier for the families who have before school activities. Now i have a turkey sanwich in the fridg, and no one to eat it. "Daughter" was ecstatic, as for me, the jury is still out. We haven't had a snowfall this big in a while. I like the snow. It makes the yard look bigger and everything look clean. Removing it is usually a breeze thanks to my giant snow thrower, but today, the snow, with help from the village snow plow and it's unending practice of covering the lower third of my driveway with an entire community's snow, made the job difficult. I battled the elements, and I won. My driveway and sidewalks are now the envy of my neighbors. I even went the extra mile and plowed all the way to both neighbor's houses. Look at me, I'm a snow angel. I even had to clear an area in the back for the dogs to do their business. It's hard to vacate when the snow is covering the door, if you know what I mean.

I hope you can stay up late Saturday night and catch the big show on WGN. We'll have comedian Mike Schmidt and his twisted view of the Super Bowl as well as "Super Bowl Trivia" on the arcade. throw in some political talk, "Idol Chatter" and you've got yourself a heck of a show. I really appreciate all the people who listen, but I can always use more like minded, entertainment loving supporters, so tell your friends. heck, tell your enemies too. They might like the show so much you become friends. I am a snow angel, bringing people together. Have a great weekend. Later...Brian