So Spooky

I'm running wild today, but I wanted to stop by and say hello. I'm spending the day in Madison Wisconsin ( Why? Well that's a secret, nosy Parker.) and then rushing back to Chicago for the big broadcast late tonight. All of this sandwiched into what promises to be a wild Halloween weekend.

We've had the compound decorated for weeks. The front yard is a collection of ghouls, skeletons, flamingo carcasses and other manner of the undead, all with the aim of scaring the bejesus out of trick-or-treaters young and old. There is nothing I enjoy more that watching a child frozen in terror on my front walk. The internal battle between giving into fear and running for their lives, is offset by the unyielding desire for candy. It's an epic battle. This year, we had an epic battle trying to decide what candy to toss in the little beggar's bags. We used to go with full sized M&M's, making us the envy of the neighborhood, and ensuring that we would not be the target of Halloween vandals. This year, after much debate, we settled on the more common "fun sized" bars. Hey, there's a recession, we all have to make sacrifices. I plan on dropping a couple of pieces in each bag, since one little bar makes you not only a cheapskate, but ground zero for egg and toilet paper onslaughts.

"Daughter" is going trick-or-treating with her friends this year, and not even in our neighborhood. I miss taking her out for a night of begging. She would walk until her feet bled, in order to accumulate more candy than she could carry. Most of the time, that candy sat in the pantry until it was tossed out to make room for the bounty delivered by the Easter Bunny. We may not have our candy driven death march, but we still took time to carve a jack-o-lantern together. Some traditions have no age limit.

Have a happy and safe Halloween. If you're up late (or early) make sure you listen to the big shows on WGN. The Fri./Sat. edition will be packed with scary surprises and will be the culmination of my being awake for 24 hours. That will be an adventure. Tonight also marks the beginning of a "nine scoop of Noonan" week on WGN. Besides my own brilliant broadcasts, I'll be doing the 2-5 am part of Steve and Johnnie's show all week. I hope you can join me. Have a great weekend. Later...Brian

Giving In To The Hysteria

I'm typing this while wearing rubber gloves and a surgical mask, sitting in a pressurized bubble. No, I'm not emulating the late King of Pop, I'm trying to avoid an invisible killer that is sweeping the nation. There is a Swine Flu epidemic running roughshod over this great land and I'll be dammed if I let myself fall victim to this mutated virus.

If I sound a bit dramatic, it's because I've been listening to everyone from "Wife", health care professionals and assorted news monkeys tell me that unless I'm vaccinated, douse myself in anti-bacterial sanitizer and keep an acceptable "social distance" from anyone with a slight cough I will be struck down. The Swine Flu, (or do you get all highfalutin' and say H1N1?) began appearing last Spring. The news monkeys attempted to spread panic, but the flu petered out and they had to move on to other fears that needed mongering. Last month, new cases of the flu began popping up and unfortunately, the news monkeys got a bit luckier this time around. More people are dying from flu related illness, and to make matters worse, a lot of the victims are children. I'm all for Nature thinning the herd, but I tend to pay more attention when Mother nature sets her sights on the kids.

I have gone my entire life without getting a flu shot. It could be because I don't cotton to voodoo medicine, I'm afraid of needles, or I am a world class procrastinator who usually gets around to thinking about a vaccination after flu season is over. Whatever the reason, I have chosen to laugh in the face of disease, drink a lot more orange juice and hope for the best. I can't turn a deaf ear this year however. The choruses of fear that are being sung far and wide have grabbed me by the short hairs and yanked me to attention. I gave in. Yesterday I went and got my flu shot.

I've been substitute teaching again and am surrounded by little mucus machines. I'm no germophobe, but watching these walking petri dishes spew their fluids to and fro raised a concern in me that I hadn't experienced before. Adults are constantly telling these miniature Typhoid Marys to sneeze into their elbow, wash their hands and throw out tissues, but I've witnessed more flying fluid than at a "Key Party" circa 1976.

I went to my regular doctor to get the shot. I see shots being offered everywhere, but call me old fashioned, I enjoy my vaccinations in a medical facility, not down the aisle from Twinkies and support hose. The vaccination was delivered without a hitch, but as soon as I left the office, I felt achy and feverish. "Wife" said I was being a hypochondriac, I said I had been dosed with a bad vaccine. She may have been right, since today I'm fine.

Thank goodness I am, since with the weekend comes two doses of "Radio Irreverence" on WGN. I'm billing the show as 98% virus free. I don't have any data to back that up, but since I can't infect you through your radio or on the web, I think we're safe. We'll be discussing a wide variety of topics (Vague? Yes, but things are still being put in place.) I can tell you that we'll be playing Dracula Trivia on the Arcade Sunday morning at 2. I hope you'll join the fun. If you're suffering from the flu, think how my special brand of crazy will enhance your fever dreams. Have a great weekend. Later...Brian

Rings Denied

Trying...to...process...my disappointment...through a veil...of tears....with John Williams....music...playing loudly...to...drown ....out....my...thoughts. All right, time to pull it together. Bad news came to the City of Wind today when the IOC announced that Chicago was not chosen to host the 2016 Summer Games.

I say the news was bad because, despite some initial hesitation, I was looking forward to the Olympics coming to Chicago. The thought of opening our doors to the world seemed like a fantastic way to showcase a wonderful city. Sure, there were questions and concerns. Who would foot the bill for this shindig? How would all the venues be constructed in time? Could the city upgrade it's transportation system in order to move the masses? How would I get my mitts on some of the inevitable kick back money? Good questions all, and now there will be no need for answers. No, in it's infinite wisdom the IOC bumped Chicago from contention in the first round of voting. I haven't been involved in such a quick rejection since I made a ham handed pass at a buxom brunette during what was supposed to be an eighth grade make out party. Like the thousands of supporters watching the announcement in Daley Plaza, I left frustrated, angry and wishing I hadn't bought that new shirt announcing an event that would never take place. Not only did I watch Chicago's dreams of Olympic glory die with the announcement, I watched some of my own capitalistic hopes being dashed to the ground.

I wish I could tell you that all my Olympic spirit was based on National and Civic pride and love of pure (if you don't count steroids) amateur athletics, but that would be an outright lie. Some of the proposed venues were going to be close to the Noonan compound. I was planning (without "Wife's" knowledge at this point) to turn our yard into a squatters village for Olympic athletes and visitors. I know some people rent their houses to tourists and visiting athletes, but let's be honest, would you want your house filled with foreign shot putters and archers without your supervision? I didn't think so. No, I was willing to invest in a couple of camp showers and extension cords and set up my own version of a "Jellystone Camp Grounds" or Olympic shanty town. I would have been an effective and welcoming ambassador, teaching our visitors American customs like cutting your host's grass and scalping event tickets. But alas, these dreams will never come to fruition. The 2016 Olympics will be held in Rio De Janeiro. I guess that's a nice place if you like beautiful scenery, exposed buttocks and waxed lady parts. (Who doesn't?)

I'll try to overcome my sadness and mount some "Radio Irreverence" starting later tonight on WGN. I'm sure we'll rehash the Olympic debacle, debate the lunacy of Hollywood types defending Roman Polanski, and explain where you can go to learn how to defend yourself against one of our biggest threats . There will also be the Arcade, roller derby talk and as always..."a whole lot more." Join the fun Fri/Sat from 2-5 am and Sat/Sun from 1-5 am. I may not be hosting the Ugandan Skeet Shooting Team in my yard, but I'll welcome you with open arms. Have a great weekend. Later...Brian