I'm Really There For The Food

I had a meeting in the city this morning. I like to say that because it sounds so important. It was a meeting with an agent, so it really wasn't that impressive. When the meeting was over, I called my friend and he suggested we go to lunch. I hadn't seen my pal in awhile, seeing as he started his own business and now works like an indentured servant, even though he's only indentured to himself. I let him pick the spot expecting some exotic inner city spot where all the hipsters and cool kids eat, but he picked Hooters.

I know I'm in the minority of men when I say this, but I've never been a big fan of Hooters. I find the food over priced and mediocre and I don't fall prey to the feminine wiles of the "Hooters Girl". Let's forget the food for a minute. Who decided that the Hooters outfit is sexy? Are orange hot-pants really what guys lay awake at night having impure thoughts about? Maybe its those industrial strength nylons that give the wearer's leg a weird beige hue. Wait, it's got to be the 80's era white scrunchy socks. Yeah, that's it! I'm moist right now just thinking about it. There are plenty of places I can go see scantily clad women, and I prefer to do it without sauce on my fingers.

The other thing that drives me nuts is the banter that these woman feel they have to have with me. I know it's part of the schtick, but I'm not buying. Guess what, I know a stripper doesn't really like me either. I don't want chit chat with my food, especially when it's served with insincere flattery. Today took the cake. I was with my friend who some would consider a strapping man. While I'm no slouch myself, I do carry some extra girth. The waitress kept singling me out for comment. I know she was thinking, "Oh fatty doesn't get any attention from the ladies, let me give him some for a bigger tip." Not so wing slinger. I get more than enough attention, I just want my lunch. Now go sell it to the other mouth breathers. I tell you what, if you just give me good service, you'll get a good tip.

I've read this over and it seems to make me sound mean and petty. Excellent! Mission accomplished! Now my weekend is off to a great start. Have a great one yourself. My"friend" count is up to 70. Life is good! Later...Brian