Big Daddy Is Watching

I was reading the paper this morning, and saw something that made my heart leap with joy. Sprint/Nextel is about to introduce cell phones that are equipped with GPS. For the uninitiated or technically ignorant, such as myself, GPS is a global positioning system. It's like the units they put in high end cars that make it possible for you to be located in case your car slides off an icy road into a snow filled ravine. They are marketing this phone to parents to give to their kids. Genius!

What a great idea. "Here you go, son/daughter, Daddy loves you so much he got you a cell phone." Oh how the children would thank daddy, all the while conjuring up plans for illicit activities and figuring that they could cover their tracks with the obligatory "call if you'll be late". Little would they suspect that Secret Agent Dad has just given them a phone with a tracking device. It's just like when the Homeland Security people put a tracer on Audrey's car in last weeks "24". Hopefully your kid doesn't have some nerdy friend like Chloe who has knowledge of de-bugging devices. Man, that would spoil all the fun. I'll have to make sure none of "Daughter's" friends are computer programmers.

I love high tech spying as a parenting tool. "Daughter" is already in the "why don't you trust me?" mode. Of course I want to trust my kid, we all do. It's just that all of us remember being kids and so we know that tabs must be kept, and what better way to keep tabs then secretly. Of course your kid won't do anything wrong if they know you're watching, but left to their own devices, well who knows. I love the idea that I'll be able to keep "Daughter" on a short leash without her knowledge. Let's look ahead to the dating years shall we. I finally relent to let "Daughter" out of the house with a member of the opposite sex. Granted, this is a long shot, but go with me for a minute. While "Daughter" is enjoying her dinner at Olive Garden (teens love breadsticks and salad) I'm in my bunker tracking her every movement. Later when "Daughter calls to check in and tells me that she and her beau have stopped at church to light candles and donate money for orphans, I can pop up next to the car, which in reality is parked at "Lookout Point", bang on the window, and put the kibosh on any romance. My psychic powers will seem unparalleled and no more boys will come to the house.

It may not come to that, but I still think it's a good idea. We need to keep an eye on our kids, for their safety and our sanity. If that eye happens to be in the sky all the better. By the way, I think I'm getting rid of my phone. The idea of somebody tracking me is very disturbing. Later...Brian