The Rules Don't Apply

Man it's late. I was in the city all afternoon with pressing radio station business. I really enjoy blowing things out of proportion. I must do it a million times a day. I'm going to keep this short because I have to go watch the rest of the World Champion White Sox game. I have to type that as many times as I can for the rest of this season. If you've been following the team, you know that I need to bask in the glory while I can.

We were greeted today with the news that Paris Hilton had been arrested in Hollywood for drunk driving. I don't know how anyone could tell she was drunk. If you've ever seen her or heard her in an interview, you know she sounds wasted most of the time. It's amazing how stupidity and drunkenness sound so similar. Allegedly, Hilton was driving erratically and was pulled over. She then blew a .08, the minimum level for an arrest. I surprised she didn't blow a better number. If you've ever seen her video, you know that chic can blow. She claimed she was "speeding a little bit" because she was trying to get something to eat. Paris put it this way, saying she was "starving because I had not ate all day." See stupidity and drunkenness do sound alike. Who is she kidding, she doesn't eat.

Now if you or I had gotten busted for DUI, we would have a little shame, but not Paris. She spent the morning talking to everybody's favorite metro sexual Ryan Seacrest. Then she put her spin machine into overdrive. Paris' people were quick to tell us that the incident wouldn't hurt her image. Of course not. Now at least we can add drunk to vacuous, no talent, vapid, spoiled, ignorant, anorexic and whore when we think about her image. Her publicist said, "The people who enjoy Paris as a comedian actress on TV or singer from her CD, a woman who seems to have captured the imagination of so many people, I don't think this is going to have any impact on them one way or another." Comedian? Actress? Singer? Does this guy just go home and drink a bottle of Bourbon while scrubbing himself in a shower after selling that filth all day.

This is just another great example of how celebrity trumps common decency. I can't wait until I get a little bit of fame. I'm going to milk it for all it's worth. Expect a lot of coverage on my drinking, arms dealing and human trafficking. Then I'll give Seacrest a buzz and all will be forgiven. Later...Brian