A Trick Of The Tail

My apologies to the great rock group Genesis for bastardizing the title of one of their albums, but it really seems to fit today's topic. I would be remiss if I let the passing of the "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin pass with out mentioning it.

Unless you've been underwater at the Great Barrier Reef, you know that Irwin died the other day after being stung by a stingray. Come to think of it, if you were under water at the Great Barrier Reef, you probably know all about it because you witnessed it. From all accounts, Irwin was swimming above some stingrays, filming an episode of some show about the dangers of the sea. I spell ironic with an "i", how bout you? The stingray, not a fan of crazy Aussies rolling up on him, did what stingrays do, he stung. Normally this would only make a human sick, but seeing as how Irwin was bigger than life anyway, he got a special sting. The ray's barbed tail went under Irwin's rib cage and punctured his heart. I wonder if Irwin was prompted to recall the first line of the Bon Jovi classic "You give love a bad name"? Don't pretend you don't know it. "Shot to the heart, and you're to blame."

I make light of this tragic event, because, well I'm still here to do it. You know why I'm still here? Because I don't taunt stingrays, bother crocodiles and tell poisonous snakes that their mammas are ugly. To paraphrase Kiefer Sutherland in "A Few Good Men", "Steve Irwin is dead and that is a tragedy, but he is dead because he messed with Nature and God was watching." It wasn't really a question of if Irwin would become a tasty treat for some wild beast, it was a question of when. You can only tempt fate for so long and then fate will deal you the ultimate bitch slap. Mr. Irwin, meet Slap the stingray.

I feel bad for Irwin. Despite becoming an international celebrity and world renowned wild life expert, he was always going to be the second "Crocodile" guy to come out of Australia. He could never outrun the long shadow cast by Crocodile Dundee, and it finally killed him. He tried everything, even using his kid as croc bait, but he was always number two. I hope in death he finally gets his due. Hold on. Did Paul Hogan just get mauled by a koala?

My first thought when I heard the tragic news was that hundreds of sub par comics had just lost their main impression. I'm sure you've never been to your local chuckle hut and not heard some hack do his "Crocodile Hunter" impression, probably putting him in a no doubt hilarious situation. Crikey! Maybe they'll just have to make the impression a loving tribute. Either that or go back to selling shoes. If we learn anything form this tragedy, I hope it's this, everything can kill you so just stay home. Later...Brian