I'm Not Stimulated

No, this isn't going to be a post about my lack of erotic motivation. I've been trying to wrap my mind around the so called "Stimulus Package" that President Obama just signed into law, but like a lot of you, I'm a wee bit confused.

Economics isn't my bag. In fact Econ. 101 is the only class I ever failed in my entire scholastic career. That may owe to the fact that after the first exam, I rarely darkened the classroom door. Sure, I probably could have dropped the class, but as I said, economics and all things related to it, aren't my bag. Back to the "Stimulus Package". I warn you, if you're looking for some high minded explanation, well informed analysis or partisan bluster, you should probably go elsewhere. I can only tell you, that from a regular guy standpoint, a lot of this plan doesn't add up.

We could go back and forth on the bank bailout, and whether people deserve help with their mortgages. Some people made really bad choices. Some of those choices were based on faulty information, some on laziness and greed. It's kind of like when you ask a waiter for a recommendation and he steers you toward the roasted quail stuffed with fig and gold leaf when all you really needed was a cheeseburger. Of course you could have read the menu yourself, but that's a lot of hassle. (Just a side note, I never mix bird and fig in my entree, but shove a bird in a cheeseburger and you might pique my interest.) I think the bottom line should be that it's better for the banks, neighborhoods and lawn maintenance in general to find a way to keep people in their homes. I'm not saying give a free ride, unless you want to start a pilot program and let me be the Guinea pig, but use some of the trillion (yes, with a "T") to figure it out.

I also like the new requirement that says any company getting bailout money has to limit executive salaries to $500,000 dollars. Oh no, poor CEOs. How will you ever survive? Some of the more right leaning among us might see that as a way for the government to limit wealth. Not so my conservafriends. I think if you build a private company, produce a product or service that people want and don't have your hand out, you should be able to make as much as you can. If however, you have run your business into the ground for whatever reason, shut up and be happy with your "Governmommy" allotted allowance.

As for the rest of this new law, I wish more legislators would have read it. That's right John and Jill Taxpayer, the people who are spending your money didn't even bother to read the entire bill. Granted it was over 1000 pages long (call me crazy, but that might have been a clue that it contained unnecessary spending) and they were in a hurry to get to their long weekend, but shouldn't somebody have published a Cliff's Notes version of the thing? Despite President Obama's declarations of "change", this is more of the same. There is so much money in this plan that isn't going to "stimulate" the economy, that I'd like to personally go up to everyone that voted for it and whack them on the nose with a rolled up newspaper, that is if I'll still be able to afford a newspaper. We've heard about the money for mouse protection and extra health and building programs, but this morning I learned of a expense that had me digging the Sunday paper out of the recycling can and rolling it so tight that Cheech and Chong dropped by for some pointers.

Each of our fine, upstanding, morally superior legislators who have nothing but our best interests in mind and who are trying to prevent economic collapse will be wetting their beaks with some of the stimulus money. Each legislator's office will be getting an increase in their "petty cash" account to $93,000 dollars. No, I didn't misplace the comma. While you and I are being told to thank our lucky stars for the $13 a week we'll all see added to our paychecks, Congressperson X and Senator Y will be lining their "petty cash" drawer with almost a hundred grand. I don't know which is more infuriating, the fact that they slipped this through or that they're calling that amount of money "petty cash". It would take me hours to spell out how angry I am about this, but it goes to show that no matter the campaign promises, when push comes to shove, it's always business as usual.

I think we all should write our Representatives and ask for a little of that petty cash. It is our money after all. Of course I'm sure we'd be told that they need that money to better serve the constituents. How, by renting buses to drive us all to the poor house? Very disappointing. Later...Brian