It's My Horn, So I Guess I'll Toot It

Before I launch into my shameless self promotion, I want to take a minute to remember Paul Newman. He was my favorite actor, starring in two of my favorite films The Hustler and Cool Hand Luke. I enjoyed his work in many other films and am a huge fan of his "House Italian" salad dressing. His film work will live on and so too will his countless charitable efforts, which, when all is said and done, truly show what he was all about. On my first visit to Hollywood, I went to the famous "Mann's Chinese Theater" to bask in the Hollywood glow of the hand and footprints that are enshrined there. I was amazed at how small most of the star's appendages were. Really, those people are tiny. My size 15 dwarfed every footprint in the joint. I searched out Paul Newman's area. It was right next to Joanne Woodward's which is only fitting. I stood for a moment soaking it in and then, like a good tourist, had my picture taken next to the prints. This was before the age of digital cameras, so I can't post it, but why would I lie? I never had the privilege of meeting Paul Newman, but my brother Michael did. Michael worked as a regional director for Habitat for Humanity in Mississippi. Paul Newman was a big contributer and actually came to a home site to help build. Michael said he was very low key, friendly and did actual back breaking labor, shoveling dirt to grade a lot. In the end, a man's actions are what sets him apart more than his words. Celebrity deaths don't usually have too much effect on me, but I was a little sad over the weekend.

Here's the shameless self promotion. I was honored to be asked to do an interview for Rick Kaempfer's Chicago Radio Spotlight blog. Rick is a former radio producer in Chicago who has worked with legendary talents. He is now a well respected author with two books published and at least three blogs and other on-line articles. This is my first interview as a "radio talent" and to be included was very exciting. Here's the link to the interview:
http://chicagoradiospotlight.blogspot.com/

I hope you enjoy it. If you don't, really, keep it to yourself. How were you raised? I'm off to launch my own Paul Newman film fest and who knows, I may just eat fifty eggs and wash it down with a bottle of JTS Brown. Fast and loose, kid. Later...Brian

Climb In The Hand Basket

Things seem to be getting very dicey in this country. There, that pretty much sums up the last week or so doesn't it? While the world has been watching and worrying about the potential financial ruin of the United States, Chicago Cubs fans have been debating a proposed alcohol ban during big games, John McCain is "suspending" his candidacy and I have been putting out a hit on a vocal chord vandal.

I won't even begin to analyze the financial crisis. Me talking about money is like a fish talking about desert living. Like a lot of people, I'm lucky to have enough money to get by. Bad planning? probably, but high finance was never part of my career path. I do have money in a bank though, and hearing about all the failures is starting to worry me. Who's to blame? That's an important question, but one that can be answered later. First, some big brained financial gurus, the "masters of the universe" need to figure out how to fix the problem. Meetings are going on in Washington to discuss a bail out, which in theory seems to go against the basic "survival of the fittest" capitalist agenda, until you realize the effect a financial collapse would have. I don't know about you, but I don't want to live in a box car Tom Joad style while singing a bad version of Brother Can You Spare A Dime. I'm afraid if the news doesn't get any better, we'll all be rushing to our banks to get our cash only to hear the young, frightened teller, inform us George Bailey style "You're money's not here. It's in his house and his house and his house." If that happens I'll have to push someone into the pool under the gym floor when I go to the Harvest Moon Dance.

On the local front, Chicago Mayor Richard "Daddy" Daley wants bars surrounding Wrigley Field to voluntarily suspend liquor sales after the seventh inning of a clinching game. I'm sorry. I didn't realize all the other problems in the city were fixed so that the government could once again fill the role of our parents. This is the dumbest idea since I used the finance/fish analogy. The theory is that stopping liquor sales will curb fans desires to celebrate in a destructive manor if and when the Cubs win a league championship or, dare it be written, the World Series. Bad idea. Have you ever been around a group of drunks who are forced to stop drinking for a couple hours? The buzz starts to wear off and moods turn sour. I'm much more inclined to turn over a taxi and torch it when I'm slightly hung over then when I'm in full tilt booziness and looking for a burrito. I'm no financial genius as I've already established, but does the mayor really think that bar owners will "voluntarily" give up alcohol sales during peak hours? Sure they will, and I'll be going vegan next week.

On the really local front, I went under the knife yesterday to have a polyp removed from my vocal chord. Listeners to the radio show have come to know said polyp as "Wilbur". He has been the bane of my existence for the last two months, but now the throat terrorist has been evicted and hopefully all will be well. I'll write about that in more detail later, since there was a lot to cover today. The hardest part of the situation is that I am on "voice rest" for a week. My surgeon said that he usually wants patients to observe complete silence, but for people who talk professionally he has one piece of advice, "only talk when they're paying you." That means I can do the show Saturday night but other than that I'm living like a monk who's taken an involuntary vow of silence. Good for those around me, frustrating as hell for me.

It's Friday, so that means it's plug time. Unfortunately this will only be a "one scoop of Brian weekend" on WGN. As I told you last week, management is trying some things out during the Friday night/Saturday morning shift, and I'll be on sporadically in that time slot. Thanks to all of you who have written me, and called or written the station voicing your support. I don't know if anyone other than me is listening, but rest assured, I do appreciate your efforts and kind words. Enough boo-hooing. The "original and still scheduled" WGN Overnight Sat/Sun edition will be chock full of fun and information from 1-5 am. We'll be having Wilbur's funeral, the debut of my first parody song, we'll talk politics with Stephen Caliendo from RaceProject.org and stress with Dr. Fatima Kahn. All that and the "Overnight Arcade" too. Will I have a voice? Will I sound the same? Will I still be on the air? Tune in and find out. Have a great weekend! Later...Brian

Ain't No War Like A Culture War

I was going to post earlier, but I've spent most of the day out in the shed looking for my soapbox. Now that I found it, let me climb on up for a few minutes and pontificate.

I've tried to start this post a number of times, but there are so many jumping off points, and I'm distracted by other things that it's hard to pin down the exact place to let my anger and frustration spew forth. I'm getting sick of hearing John McCain, Sarah Palin and the Republicans attempt to further divide this country with their lame attempts to label the Democrats as "elitists", disparage their education and make it seem like anyone who doesn't agree with them doesn't care about this country or is sexist.

We keep hearing from people who support Governor Palin for the Vice Presidency that "she's just like us." Palin plays that card to the hilt with her hockey mom references and non-stop slams at the Democrats for being out of touch, different and "East Coast Elitists." What scares me is that people are actually buying into this mindset. When did being educated become a bad thing? What are we as a country, a bunch of third graders sitting in the back of the class mocking the "teacher's pet" who knows the answers because they studied? There's nothing wrong with someone who didn't go to an Ivy League college. Hell, I went to a state school and look at me. (Bad example) There certainly is nothing to mock about someone being educated on the East Coast at an impressive institution. There's also nothing wrong with hockey moms, moose hunters or snow machine racers, but just because someone does "regular person" activities doesn't mean we should vote for them. Be honest, do you really want someone just like you to be leading the country? I know I don't. Maybe it's just me, but I want my leaders to be a little smarter, a little more driven and a lot less worried about how Kim Kardashian's ass will look on Dancing With The Stars than I am. Wouldn't it be nice if both sides spent more time talking about things that really mattered like...oh I don't know, actual issues. See, people who are just like me talk about unimportant things. I want a little more substance in my leaders.

I'm also suspicious of the repeated use of the term "different" to describe the Democratic nominee. Gee....how do you mean different? I'm sure you're just talking about his policies right? Is it that he plays basketball instead of going moose hunting? Oh, then it must be that he grew up in Hawaii instead of the mainland right? No, then what is it that makes him so different? Is it because he's.....black? I'm the first guy to squawk when the race card is played, but something doesn't seem quite right.

Let me make these last two points quickly so we can all get back to hurling political daggers at each other. Just because someone questions, satirizes or investigates Sarah Palin, doesn't mean they are being sexist. Did you see Tina Fey's impression of the Governor? Hilarious? Yes. Biting? Yes. Proof that doppelgangers do exist? You betcha. Sexist? What are you nuts? Every public figure is open to satire. Unfortunately for Sarah Palin, Tina Fey is ready to climb inside a moose suit and cross the bridge to nowhere for the foreseeable future. Finally, can we all agree that both parties care about this country and are trying to do what's best? No? Well then there's nothing more for me to say here. I'm going to put my country first and go pump some cash into our struggling economy.

Before I go....It's plug time. Tune into the big shows this weekend on WGN. The Fri./Sat. edition of WGN Overnight is from 2-5 am and the Sat./Sun. installment will be blasting off from 1-5 am. For loyal listeners, here's a message that you won't need a "Little Orphan Annie Decoder Ring" to receive. This will be the last Fri./Sat. show for awhile. Management has decided to use this time slot as a testing ground for "new voices". I will be in the mix, but I have no idea when I'll be doing my next Friday night. If this frustrates you, angers you or thrills you (seriously?) feel free to exercise your first amendment rights and let your voice be heard by writing or calling the powers that be at WGN. Yeah, I'm doing some community organizing right here, and taking my message to the people. Now raise your fist and turn up your radio. Peace, out. Have a great weekend. Later....Brian

T.G.I.F., .......Not Today

Wow, it's not even noon and my day has taken more turns than an Appalachian moonshiner on a midnight run. I had the day all planned out, which was my first mistake. After getting "Daughter" off to school I was going to do my usual web surfing to do "research" for the big shows this weekend. I like to call it "research" because calling it "spending hours updating my Facebook status, looking at fake pictures of Sarah Palin in a leather mini skirt and trying to claim my Nigerian lottery winnings" doesn't sound very productive. Then I was going to take a nap since we have tickets to the Sox game tonight and I'll be heading right to the radio station from the ball yard. Sounds good, huh? Sure, in the bright light of a monitor everything sounds good, well maybe not that "Chocolate Rain" guy, but most things.

I got "Daughter" out of the house and positioned myself at the computer. While listening to the radio, I heard the weather forecast which is calling for heavy rains tonight and throughout the weekend. That puts the game in question, which to be honest is fine with me. We had bought the tickets from a neighbor's kid who was selling them to raise money for his dance academy. Not his own dance academy, which would be quite an undertaking, but the academy where he is studying dance. Any way, it turns out the tickets are in the far upper reaches of the "Cell". Not to sound like an Ivy League elitist here, but I don't want to spend a rainy night sitting in the upper reaches of the stadium. I actually wouldn't want to spend a rainy night siting in any seats, but add thin air, vertigo and thousands of people in various states of moistness to the equation and you've got a scenario I can't avoid fast enough. "Wife" had informed me that she wouldn't be going to the game with us anyway citing a lingering sinus infection that has clogged her head like a toll booth at rush hour. If the game isn't rained out, "Daughter" may just go with the neighbors because as I was struggling with the "do I or don't I want to mingle with the dripping masses" question, I got a call from "Wife".

"I got to work, barely" is how the conversation started. Long story short, something happened to "Wife's" car on the ride into work today. She explained that the battery light went on, then the temperature gauge climbed into the red zone, she smelled what seemed to be burning rubber, and to cap it off, her power steering went out. All of this while she was inching along in rush hour traffic. Thankfully she was able to get the car into her building safely. It's times like these I wish I had gone through mechanic training instead of smart ass training. I listened patiently to her story and then summed up the car's condition as succinctly as I could. "I have no idea." Thanks Mr. Goodwrench. My only advice was to call our mechanic, see what he thought and if necessary, have the car towed to the garage. Look at me. I may have no mechanical ability, but my problem solving skills know no peer. Having no car means "Wife" will need a ride home from work, because she'll have to work late, since her morning has been devoted to caring for her ailing LeSabre and not completing the work that "the Man" needs her to finish before she can shake loose his shackles and enjoy two days of rest.

I realize these problems pale in comparison to what a lot of people have going on today, but if I didn't write about this, I'd have to devote another post to the Presidential race and the Sarah Palin/Charles Gibson interview. There will be plenty of time for that later, and to be honest, I know I'll be talking about it on WGN Overnight Friday night/Saturday morning from 2-5 am and maybe even Saturday night/Sunday morning from 1-5 am. Look how smoothly I slid the plugs in. Effortless I tell ya. The "Insatiable Insomniacs " will be on the show Sunday morning, a world record holding barber will be with me Saturday morning and there's sure to be more surprises. Have a great weekend! Later...Brian

Remembering and Mock Outrage

How do I not bring it up? It is a day that should be remembered, and I believe most of us will do just that, but I also don't want to get too maudlin in my remembrances. The moments of silence are wonderful. I think that's the way to handle it. Take a moment and really concentrate on what happened and then move on. I don't mean to be flip. I was watching one of the morning shows today and saw an interview with a man whose wife was killed at the Pentagon. He was there for the unveiling of the memorial. He talked about how he and his son had thrown themselves a "pity party" the other day, but then, despite their sorrow, went back to moving on with their lives. It was heartbreaking to watch, but he made a great point. The Pentagon/Pennsylvania memorial looked odd to me at first until I realized how much I liked the idea of a garden with benches inscribed with the names of the victims. It goes back to my previous point. Anyone can go there, take a few minutes to think, grieve, or remember and then get back to their lives. We all remember the events of that day in our own way, and places like the memorial give us an opportunity to keep those memories private if we choose to. I'm getting really frustrated with politicians who want to use September 11 to question people's patriotism and continue to foster a mentality of fear that most of us can see through anyway. Do any of us really believe that walking through the airport barefoot has made the country safer? Whenever I hear someone using the attacks to further their own agenda I am filled with true outrage.

That's much different than the "mock outrage" that has been on display over the last two days stemming from Barack Obama's "lipstick on a pig" comment. So much for change, huh? This campaign will devolve into one of the worst in a while. It doesn't seem to matter that Obama wasn't referring to Sarah Palin when he made the comment, or that John McCain, as well as thousands of other people have used this phrase. No, all that matters is that his remark contained the words "lipstick" and "pig" and Palin's speech at the RNC contained the word "lipstick" as a punchline. That was enough. Two words that threw so many people into a tizzy. Rational people should be able to discern phrases that are taken out of context and draw rational conclusions, but as we know, when it comes to politics, rational thought is thrown out like a pig's used lipstick.

Watching the Republican response was at times both infuriating and depressing. Can these people really believe that Americans are so dumb that we don't see what's happening? (Apparently so.) Aren't the Republicans the same people who a week ago were telling Democrats not to be so thin skinned about Palin, Giulianni et al's comments at the convention? Don't they realize that the last person to actually put lipstick on a pig was a lonely hog farmer on prom night? While watching some of the more insane diatribes, I was wishing I could pull a "Mike TV" from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I would don my best white lab clothes and have myself beamed to the various locales in order to shake some of these people by the shoulders and shout, my spittle buffeting their faces, "We know what you're doing. You don't even believe the line of lipstick wearing pig crap you're spewing. Can't we talk about what really matters?"

In honor of today's anniversary, both candidates pulled all their ads from TV. Thank goodness. The lack of bile being spewed by both sides will at give us at least one day to remember what's really important. I'm going to put mascara on my dogs. Nobody used that in a speech yet have they? Later...Brian

It's Always Something

I'm suffering from a convention hangover. Two weeks of politics is making my head spin and causing me to question whether we can, in the timeless cries of Rodney King, "all just get along." As I mentioned here yesterday, (In what became quite a long post. Who am I, Stephen King? That guy can make the description of a pair of drapes last two chapters.) people get so fired up over their candidate that they lose all perspective along with the ability to engage in civil discourse. Civil Discourse, that was my radio name when I worked in Philadelphia. Ha! I never get tired of that joke.

Since I was planning on spending my day coming up with all kinds of witty retorts (sure, Witty Retorts was my radio moniker when I was a sidekick on the "Brazen O'Malley Morning Mayhem in Tallahassee, thanks for remembering) for the politically angry, I didn't think I would be posting anything today. Then I realized that my best retorts are either off the cuff or totally imagined, so here I am. However just as quickly as I got here, I have to go.

My dog Spike is hobbling around on three legs. He must have jumped off the bed and twisted his hind leg, but I haven't decided if he needs to go to the vet or not. He's fairly crazy as far as dogs go and has twisted his legs on numerous occasions. It has happened when he's running around the house, chasing a rabbit in the yard, or running down a cheetah in his dreams. I've been manipulating the area like all good medical professionals and people who don't want to drop fifty bucks for a useless office visit do, and he hasn't let out so much as a whimper. That tells me he's either not in any pain, or the toughest dog this side of Michael Vick's house. It never fails. The dogs seem to always suffer some sort of injury or illness late on Friday afternoon. The vet is always jammed on Fridays and I have to hit the sack in advance of the big radio show. I'm not being selfish. I love my dogs and all, but seriously, I need my sleep. Wait...he's up and moving. Slowly and gingerly, but I think you know what that means. My slumber needs will be met to their fullest. Oh yeah, and the dog will be fine.

Now let's get to the real reason I'm here today....the show plugs. To paraphrase John McCain, "Yes, my dear friends, it's another two scoops of Brian weekend on WGN." I'm back at the helm of the Friday/Saturday edition of WGN Overnight from 2-5 am and then running my mouth for four hours of radio irreverence on the "original and still regularly scheduled" WGN Overnight Saturday night/Sunday morning from 1-5 am. Both shows will be packed with fun, information and the kind of dirty broadcast love that can only happen in the wee hours. I hope you can join me. Who knows what crazy name I might use. Have a great weekend. Later...Brian

What A Cam-Pain

Over the last two weeks, a number of people have asked me if I'm ever political in this forum and if I was going to talk about the Democratic and Republican conventions. "What conventions?" I asked, feigning head trauma. Despite a few strolls down punditry path, I usually try to avoid talking politics. It's not because I'm not interested in the political process, don't care about the future of our country or secretly wish we still had a monarchy because of my love of flamboyant headgear. No, it's because when people start talking politics, they lose their minds. I have to discuss politics to some extent on the WGN show, but that usually leads to some folks forgetting all the social niceties they learned in kindergarten and and becoming irrational mud slingers, character assassins and overall boobs. There's an old saying, the three things you never discuss in mixed company are religion, politics and that annoying rash on your inner thigh. I tend to agree with that sentiment except for the fact that this rash is really itchy and is shaped like Richard Nixon's head and I think you'd find it fascinating.

I'll save the dissection of both conventions for the haircuts in the suits and headsets. They live for this stuff and are able to spend twenty minutes on the minutia that most of us don't even notice. Is it really telling that someone's eyebrow only arched three centimeters when they were extolling the virtues of a candidate's economic policy and a full four centimeters when downplaying the role of hamsters and treadmills in their energy plan? Instead of dwelling on the differences between the two conventions, which is probably harder than you think, since they are virtually identical, I'll just give you some of my impressions. If they don't suit your political leanings, feel free to yell at your monitor.

-Both conventions reminded me of old fashioned tent revivals. The faithful are whipped into a frenzy by high energy, arm wavin', foot stompin', speechafyin'. I fully expected to see delegates go into convulsions after being gripped by the spirit during an especially fiery bit of oratory.

- The ladies on both sides are bringing the heat. Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin all delivered rousing speeches. If you were truly undecided, it would be hard not to keep flip flopping like a carp on the deck while listening to any of these women. Speaking of the ladies...

- I dug Hillary's tangerine pantsuit. I applaud anyone who wears bright colors, from politicians to circus clowns.

-Is it just me or are both sides tugging at our heart strings more than those long distance commercials? Good Lord, I could never run for office because I don't have a story that could reduce Teamsters and grandmas to tears. I will admit that the Democrats did a little better at this than the Republicans, but no matter how many times I hear about John McCain's ordeal I tear up a little.

- I liked the back drop of the Democratic convention more than the Republican's. That being said, in a long shot, the Republican backdrop looks better, but since most of the speakers are shown in a close up, the dreamy blue of the Democrats worked better and really brought out Bill Clinton's eyes.

-Sarah Palin is kinda hot and she knows how to use a gun. Bonus!

-The kids are cracking me up at both conventions. Obama's youngest daughter went wild every time she saw herself on the Jumbotron. It was hysterical, and let's be honest, we'd all do the same thing. Don't believe me? Take a look at any local news show when a reporter is doing a live shot. Palin's youngest daughter was shown giving her baby brother a new hairstyle with the help of her palm and a generous supply of spit. She didn't care what was gong on in the arena, her brother had a cowlick that needed smoothing. The fact that these kids are acting like real kids says something about their parents.

- The Republicans seem a little more at ease with coming out guns blazing than the Democrats. it should make for a brutal campaign, unless the Democrats just roll over and "take the high road". On that note...

- Rudy Giuliani seemed a little to eager to blast the community work of Obama and has obviously never been told not to laugh at his own jokes. He was a bit too pleased with himself.

-I can't comment on the nominee's acceptance speeches since John McCain's is tonight, but he'll have to up his game to keep pace with all the speakers on both sides.

- Thank God it's all over tonight so we can get on with the endless commercials, debates and bitter back and forth for the next sixty days. More of my crack analysis of all things politics is sure to come. If you base your decision on what you read here, I weep for this country. Later...Brian