Let's Try This Again

I know it's cliche to ask where the time has gone, but seriously, it seems like just yesterday I was sitting in this same chair, in the same Big Dog boxers, drinking the same cold coffee writing about the end of 2007. Christmas has come and gone...again. It went well. "Wife" and "Daughter" were thrilled with their Santa/Daddy/Husband delivered loot, and even I, the "Grouch Who Bitched About Christmas" made it through the day without any problems. I loved what I was given, enjoyed the meal I cooked and was happy to spend the day with the two people in the world who I know will have to care for me in my declining years. I hope they remember the lovely meals when they have to grind my food in a blender and feed me with a spoon. How's that for a happy holiday visual?

As I sit here staring down the barrel of 2009, it would be easy to spend our time together looking back at 2008 and wondering what lie ahead. That would be easy, but I'm a lot like Tina Turner when she was getting slapped around by Ike, I don't do anything nice...and easy. I think it was the great modern philosopher Tony Soprano who said, "F*#k it, let's get rid of him." Wait, that's the wrong quote. It was "Remember-when, is the lowest form of conversation." That's the one I was looking for. Sure, 2008 had it's share of problems, high gas prices, a failing economy, an ongoing war, corrupt politicians, locusts, floods, weasels, and then there were the negatives. Ha! See what I did? Sorry, I'm trying to bring back the Catskill feel. All I need is a link with a rimshot. Hey whadda ya know? There were also some great happenings last year that gave us all hope, which in the end is all you have. It's like the old saying "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." There were a lot of trials and tribulations during the past year, and a lot of folks are on the ropes, but if we keep looking forward, and remembering that we're still kicking, it might all work out.

I'll be glad to see 2008 fade into the distance. This was a crazy year for me health wise and professionally, but like I said, I'm still kickin' and taunting time, fate, and the powers that be with my "it can't get any worse" attitude. I will glance back for a second because despite everything that happened this year, it all turned out OK. I've got a new and improved knee, a polyp free throat, a smooth, clean intestinal tract and a second night doing what I love on WGN. Not half bad. Add to that the health of "Wife" and "Daughter", HD DVR, and a new pair of Big Dog boxers to wear while writing next year's goodbye, and I've got myself a pretty sweet deal. Not to get to maudlin here, but I bet if you look closely, you can make your own list of good that may outshine any bad list. At least I hope you can. If not, let me know and I'll try to come up with something to buoy your spirits.

My best friend John likes to use New Years Eve as a time of reflection and planning. That sounds like a lot of work, but he seems to enjoy it. I've been doing the same and will continue to do so for the next few days, or until I get bored, drunk or both. I have some plans for 2009, but I think that for once I'm going to keep them to myself. Don't feel snubbed, I just think that it will be better to spring said plans on the world, rather than make a bold proclamation when I'm feeling sentimental and then regretting it in June when things have changed course. I have a feeling that 2009 will bring exciting things for all of us here at the Noonan compound and I hope the same is true for you.

No big plans for tonight. Since I stopped going on the road for comedy, New Years Eves have been pretty quiet, and that's how I like it. For years, I was people's entertainment, now I'm content to let Ryan Seacrest, Dick Clark and the insufferable Carson Daley carry the load. Tonight will be made up of sushi, Sapporo and hopefully a little bit of another "s" word, but that will depend on the amount of Sapporo that gets consumed.

It's customary for me to end the year by thanking people who have supported me and been a help during the last twelve months. There are many, and if you think you might be a member of that group, you probably are, so thank you. Thanks too, to all the people who listen, call and write the shows on WGN. I really do appreciate your support and though it sounds like empty sentiment, it isn't. With that in mind, if you're up early Friday morning making sure your computer didn't crash, hanging your new ca lander on the refrigerator, or taking stock of your life and readying yourself for another year, I'll be sitting in for Steve and Johnnie from 2-5 am, then it's the two big WGN Overnight shows on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

That's it for this year. I hope you'll check back here next year, because I'm sure I'll have things to say, and you'll have a need for whacked out opinions. Until then, I wish you all a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year! Have a fantastic weekend! Later....Brian

Blago Blog

I've spent the better part of the last two weeks decorating the house for Christmas. Between my compulsion to best my neighbors in the arena of exterior illumination and my anal retentive dedication to balanced tree lighting, I've been physically and mentally drained. My mind has been wandering and sometimes I think I hear things differently than they are said. That was the case the other morning when I heard one of the local radio news monkeys break into the regularly scheduled morning show jocularity to announce that Illinois Governor Rod Blagojavich was roused from his slumber by the FBI and taken into custody based on a seventy- plus page criminal complaint. I can't imagine that knock on the door, let alone getting that knock at six in the morning while I'm still in my footy pajamas and haven't had my first cup of coffee, but the FBI don't play homey. Wake your ass up, you're going to jail. OK, we'll let you put on your powder blue jogging suit, but the jammies looked manlier.

Everyone who lives in Illinois knew that the Gov. had been under investigation. Well almost everyone. Apparently Blaggo wasn't buying into the hysteria, and continued to wheel and deal with the State government in ways that made veteran FBI Agents shake their heads in disbelief. I don't have seventy six pages to write about all the things this fine public servant is accused of, so let's just hit some of the highlights.

He was shaking down the administrator of Children's Memorial Hospital. That's right, not just any hospital, a children's hospital. Allegedly (can I just write that once and have it cover all the complaints against Hot Rod?), the Governor wanted some cash for his campaign and threatened to pull funding from the hospital if the administrator didn't pony up. Classy! Maybe Rod figures his overly sprayed hairdo will protect him from the lightening bolts that God will rain on him for messing with kid's lives, or maybe he's just so staggeringly amoral and corrupt he doesn't care. Hey Roddo, remember you have kids who, God forbid, might need medical attention someday. I'm not saying watch out for the karma train, but maybe you should have confined your thievery and graft to adult ventures.

Not content to destroy the well being of children, "Blagghead" decided to threaten America's pastime. The Chicago Tribune's editorial board had not been kind to the Governor (gee, I wonder why?) so he decided they needed to fire one of the Editorial Board members or he would make sure the State didn't help Tribune with any funding for Wrigley Field, home of the Cubs. While I have no love for the North side team, I do have a love for freedom of the press. Last time I checked, the government can't tell newspapers what to write. Maybe in "Blagopolis" dissenting opinions can be shut down, but we're not there yet.

The complaint that's getting the most attention is that "Blagguption", always looking to line his pockets, attempted to sell the Senate seat vacated by our President elect to the highest bidder. Who knew it was that easy to become a Senator? In taped conversations, Haircut is heard yelling about how he's got "something golden (the Senate appointment) and he's not giving it away for f*#k*n' nothing." This guy used so many profanities during the course of the taped conversations that even I thought "wow, he needs to tone down the language." That's coming from a guy who swears going into and coming out of church. He even called Obama a "m*##*rf**#er". Holy insult Batman, that's the kind of talk that can make you disappear.

With all his shakedown money, you'd think this guy would have bought himself a Tivo and recorded The Sopranos and The Wire. Even the most insipid criminal knows you don't discuss that kind of business over the phone. Come on Blaggy. Get yourself some "burners" (disposable cell phones) so the man can't trace you, or have your underlings do all the talking and then report back to you, naked, in the middle of nowhere. Sure, you'll have to convince them about the naked part, but how else will you know if they're wearing a wire? The Feds are a dedicated bunch, so you have to stay a few steps ahead of them. I know that's a hassle though. That explains the arrogance and stupidity he displayed by continuing to carry on what US Attorney Pat Fitzgerald called "a political criminal crime spree." A crime spree? I thought those went out with Bonnie and Clyde. Come to think of it, they all did some serious robbing, so the analogy fits. Who keeps breaking the law when they know "the man" is watching? You either have to have balls so big that a wheelbarrow couldn't haul them around, or be a little touched in the head. I'm going to vote for plain old stupid.

The story will continue to unfold, so I'm sure this isn't the last you'll hear from me on the subject.

I don't know if I'll get a chance to write tomorrow. I'm going to see Spike O'Dell's last broadcast on WGN. He's retiring after a great career on his own terms, which in the current climate of radio is a double dose of success. After that it's the station "Holiday Party". Despite my reservations, "Wife" has urged me to attend, and it's usually best if I listen to her. I'll give you the details next week. I won't be doing my show Friday night, (long story) but will be back with four hours of "Radio Irreverence" Saturday Night/Sunday morning from 1-5 on WGN Overnight. We'll be discussing the Blago debacle, testing your knowledge on the Overnight Arcade, and welcoming the band This is Me Smiling for some in-studio jams. (I think that's what the kids call it) That and as always, me regaling you with my my sordid tales. I hope you can join me. Later...Brian