Wipe Everything Down

I spent yesterday like most of you, lounging about celebrating Pulaski Day. Ah yes, Casimir Pulaski, "Father of the cavalry", Revolutionary War hero, and the biggest thing to come out of Poland in the last 300 years if you don't count the delicious sausage that bears it's nations name. I love a good polish, grilled to a crispy brown, covered in grilled onions, and nestled on a steamed bun... but I digress. While I would have enjoyed spending the "holiday" reenacting battles of the revolution and comparing/contrasting the historic significance of great Poles like Pulaski, Lech Walesa and Carl Yastrzemski I was forced to play nursemaid to "Daughter".

The schools in Illinois were closed so "Daughter" was going to be home anyway, which as you know always throws a monkey wrench into my days off. I enjoy my "piece of quiet" when "Wife" is at work, "Daughter" is at school and the hounds are napping. That is when I get a chance to do some world class time wasting. I can put a mid level bureaucrat or city worker to shame. I am so good at looking busy while doing nothing that I may run for public office. With the way things have been going in Illinois, I may just win. Sunday night "Daughter" started to get the look that all parents know means sickness is coming. It's a kind of flushed, glassy eyed stare that if it were happening in college would mean that someone had enjoyed a few too many drink specials at happy hour and was either coming from or going to some illicit conjugal encounter. Seeing as "Daughter" is twelve, the look means she's got a fever or is about to get one. Whadda ya know... 101. She laid on the couch all Monday, interrupted only by my ham handed attempts to take her temperature, administer some fine over the counter medication and utter the vague inquiry, "How you feeling?" This morning she still had a fever, so "Wife" stayed home while I went to mold the minds of the impoverished. Being a 21st Century dad, I texted "Daughter" at lunch only to find out she had "the flu". (Dramatic music here.)

I don't want to sound harsh, but damn! Both "Wife" and "Daughter" bought into the propaganda and scurried off to the doctor a few months ago for flu shots. Isn't that supposed to stop this crap? "Wife" shared this question with the doctor who told her with a completely straight face, "well, at least she avoided the first type." Listen Marcus Welby, that's like telling a stabbing victim that at least they weren't shot. I didn't get a flu shot. I'm not one of those anti vaccination loons, I just never got around to it and I'm healthy as a horse. (Yes, I eat oats, sleep standing up and poop in my yard.) If Karma is reading this, I'm not taunting you, just stating the facts as they are at the moment. The flu is very contagious, and I can't get sick. I know, none of us can afford to get sick, but really I CAN'T get sick. In radio, you don't have sick days, and besides, I just started educating the masses. Who will step in if I'm in bed shaking from fever, throwing up in my Looney Toons waste basket and hallucinating that I'm being beset on all sides by llamas and rabid dingos? I've put out the order to wipe the entire house down with disinfectant wipes, place "Daughter" in a germ free bubble and put a halt to all physical contact. Severe? Perhaps, but I need to stay well, at least until Sunday. Once the radio shows are over, I can allow myself one sympathy puke. Until then...SARS masks for everyone.

I know this is last minute, and it's not an official station event, but I will be presenting a "Major Award" this evening along with "The Insatiable Insomniacs". Regular listeners to my show know that the "Insomniacs" are my late night restaurant reviewers. In January they named Kuma's Corner "Late Night Eatery of the Year" I finally got around to getting the certificate, and tonight we will be presenting it to the fine folks at Kuma's. We'll be there around seven, so if you're in the area, stop by and say hi. While you're there, enjoy one of the great burgers. I'm NOT buying one for you, but I think you'll enjoy it. Kuma's Corner is at 2900 West Belmont in Chicago. It also give me an excuse to get out of this flu incubator I'm living in. Later...Brian