Pull My Finger

Times are tough. You can't turn on the TV or radio, thumb through the newspaper (do people still do that?), or stop looking at internet porn long enough to read a news site without being bombarded with bad news. The economy is in the dumper, thousands are out of work, Chris Brown and Rihanna are writing a book. Sometimes it all seems too much. We need a break, a laugh, an inappropriate moment. That's what I'm here for.

In the interest of jocularity, I offer you this video. I wish I could say I was involved, but I'm just passing it along. I'm "paying it forward" if you will, but without the scarred face and earnest acting of Kevin Spacey and the "I see dead people" zombie like, dead eyed stare of that kid who has now faded from our collective consciousness. Be warned. If you are a stick up the behind, erudite cosmopolitan who has no tolerance for juvenile humor, click to the Wall Street Journal site and wallow in your own misery. For the rest of you, enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrBaV5MvX_4

What is it about a fart that is so funny? I laughed until I farted when I saw this. While some will argue that there is never a good time to cut the cheese, step on a duck, let one fly, break wind, unleash the hounds, sound the ass alarm, alert the media or uncork a weapon of ass destruction, I say there is never a time not to. My methane fixated mindset may be the result of a medical condition, no sense of public decency or the mind of a thirteen year old, but whatever the reason I'm dropping a butt bomb whenever I have a chance.

I know..."Brian you're so immature. You're wasting all this effort writing about farts. Grow up." If that's what you think, you're probably right, but I'd still like to subject you to a "Dutch Oven". I may even stroll by and "crop dust" you with an S.B.D., leaving your eyes watering, but with no clue who to blame. I don't care how old you are or how serious your demeanor, I challenge you not to laugh if someone cuts one in an environment where such a thing isn't expected. Have you ever had the tension and sadness of a wake interrupted by sphincter trumpets or had a bad movie theater experience made just a little brighter thanks to a rousing edition of "moon river"? Hell, I even laugh out loud in a public restroom when I hear someone unleash an ungodly call to arms. There must be a pattern to the sound waves that directly stimulates my funny bone.

I thought this might be just a guy thing, but "Daughter" takes great pride in her ability to knock one out of the park. Maybe she's trying to impress me, or maybe she's trying to make "Wife" cry. Either way, she's succeeding. I should mention at this juncture that I am able to enjoy all the benefits of farting without the down side. I have no sense of smell, so the offensive part of the act is removed leaving me with only the aural joy.

OK, if you're not smiling a little now, then you need stronger therapy than I am able to provide. If I was able to take your mind off the world's troubles for a few minutes, great, you're welcome. If not...blow one out your ass. HA! Later...Brian