A Slip And A Strip

I'm still shaking off the effects of an eventful St. Patrick's' Day which may explain the lack of missives this week. I rolled out of bed this morning bound and determined to find something interesting to write about, and the world did not disappoint in terms of content. Despite what you may have heard today, the biggest story isn't the fact that President Obama went on The Tonight Show and, while cracking wise, compared his bowling prowess to "the Special Olympics".

That's a good story, I admit. I'm torn. I like the idea of the President going on television in a forum that isn't as strident as a press conference or address from the Oval Office. How boring is that? I know. I should be interested in all the problems we're facing as a country/world/NCAA bracket group, but those broadcasts always come on in prime time, and let's be honest, I don't need my Dancing With The Stars preempted so I can get another dose of bad news. Isn't watching Steve Wozniak lumber around the hard wood with an angry Russian in glittery spandex bad news enough? No, I like that the President went on a late night comedy show, but here's the problem, it's a comedy show and he's not a comedian. He has writers who can craft amusing Bonn mots for him to deliver, but to paraphrase the old adage, "making an off hand comment about the Special Olympics is easy, comedy is hard." I know the President didn't mean anything cruel by his comment, he was caught up in the moment, but come on, he's the President, not some drunk shock jock at the local bowling alley open mic night. I'm not saying that the President shouldn't come off as a warm, humorous guy, but he doesn't need to be drop dead funny either. That's tricky. I don't care if he can deliver a zinger, quip, knock knock joke or has any idea what happened to the man from Nantucket. I will confess that a part of me took a perverse satisfaction in knowing that our leader could be as politically incorrect as the rest of us.

The biggest news of the day is horrifying for those of us who like things to go smoothly. The State Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling of New Jersey (an august body if ever their was one) is moving toward banning the "Brazilian Wax". According to the Associated Press, two women in New Jersey reported being injured during what was too clinically referred to as "genital waxing". How much hair did these two woolly mammoths have down there and why are they ruining everyone else's fun? In the name of full disclosure, I've never been the recipient of a "Brazilian", or basked in the glistening afterglow (after the redness has faded anyway) of someone who has, so "fun" may be an incorrect adjective, but I know one thing, if "Brazilians" are outlawed, only outlaws will have "Brazilians". I don't want to live in a country where women, and the occasional metrosexual is forced to cross state lines to get their nether regions waxed to their specifications. The thought of back alley "Brazilians" being performed with chewing gum, double sided packing tape, or God forbid, dirty tweezers, fills me with dread. I don't even want to think about the old growth type foliage that will be sprouting when Frenchy isn't allowed to practice her grooming techniques on willing and furry clients. If this ban goes into effect in New Jersey, your state could be next. Think about it Florida and Hawaii. All those bikinis looking like the women are smuggling chinchillas. The horror! The ban would take effect at the end of May, right before the Memorial Day weekend. I don't know how many miles one gets from a quality "Brazilian", but that could make for an alarming Labor Day weekend in the Hamptons.

I know in the whole scheme of things, this story might pale in comparison, but fess up, would you rather think about the economy or smooth love regions? OK, how 'bout that AIG? It's another "two scoops of Noonan" weekend on WGN. In the first scoop, dished up Friday/Saturday from 2-5 am I'll be unveiling a new segment to help people find a job. Yeah, I'm all about giving back and helping. If you're an about to be out of work wax technician, be sure to listen. Scoop two flops onto your cone Saturday/Sunday from 1-5 am and will feature the always enjoyable "Insatiable Insomniacs" with another late night restaurant review and the always hilarious Mike Schmidt with some March Madness and bracket talk, all guided by your always engaging and relatively smooth host...me. As always (using "always"four times in two sentances, a new record) I hope you can join me. Have a great weekend. Later...Brian